28) HOPE FOR HOPE

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*Ian Romero's POV

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*Ian Romero's POV

"What the hell did you do?" Oat accosted. I wished someone could give me the answer. What did I do wrong? 

"I swear I didn't mean to hurt him.." I vowed — and I told them everything. 

"What did he mean by that paying part?" Ade furrowed his brows.

"I don't know, but I'll find out. I'll fix this, I promise." When I said those words, the expression on Oat's face softened.

"But can you please call him and make sure he's okay? I don't have his number and I have never seen him like that and.." I rambled. The look Cody had had in his eyes made me sick of worry and I had been on the verge of panicking ever since he ran away from me.

"Shh, I'm sure he'll be okay." Oat wrapped their arms around me and patted my back reassuringly. 

After that Oat kept calling him and we tried to decide whether we should go to his place, but then Cody texted them: 'I'm okay, don't worry. I'll call you tomorrow, ok?'

***

The entire Sunday I had a throbbing headache and barely left my room. I was nauseated too, even though it felt like I didn't drink a lot yesterday.

However, it wasn't the physical discomfort that kept me in my room. I kept ruminating all that had happened between me and Cody and the more I thought about it the less I understood. 

First of all, I needed to find out what Cody meant when he asked how much I was paid for it. I wasn't even sure what I was "paid for". The kiss? Confessing my feelings? Why on Earth would I be paid for those things?

It didn't take a genius to know that something had happened to Cody and that something was really painful for him. I just needed to know what it was.

And how I hated the way Cody had talked about himself — "I'm not desirable, I'm not worth shit, I'm ugly and I'm stupid." — because none of it was true. 

I for one knew he was desirable, more than anyone else I had met, so much it was almost painful. I knew he meant the world to not just me, but his parents and Oat as well. And how could someone with a smile so breathtaking and eyes so mesmerizing I felt like I wanted to drown in them ever be ugly? Moreover, I'm pretty sure he has the best grades in our class and one could tell he was smart even when he didn't say a word.

So, no, none of the things he said were true.

It broke my heart to think someone had made Cody believe all those horrible lies about himself. He couldn't really think so lowly about himself, right?

***

On Monday morning I woke up early, or more precisely I was up early, because I had barely slept at all. My plan was crystal clear by then: I would go to school and I would keep asking him about the things he had said until he would explain them to me. And I would tell him I liked him so many times he would start to believe me. 

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