Out of Reach

What's Here

Five weeks until Harvard.

Kurtis is laying on Alex's bed, his feet are across the older boy's legs. Alex is leaning against the wall his bed is next to. They're both in a comfortable silence, scrolling through their phones. (Yes, most of their time is spent laying in bed- or at Kurtis' job at the book store- but this is how they like it; simple and alone together).

"My schedule for next year sucks. I have Mr. Hillington," Kurtis tells Alex in disgust.

They both shudder and make a disturbed noise. Mr. Hillington is an English teacher at Austberg High School who is known for being a smelly, creep. Rumor has it, he dated a student, Laura Mills, three years ago, but broke it off before he could get caught. But that's just gossip, so who knows (besides the teacher and Laura).

"Ugh, I'm dreading Junior year," Kurtis whines.

Kurtis will be a Junior this year and is also sixteen years old. This is also an unspoken predicament for the two boys; Kurtis is a minor and Alex is officially an adult being that he is eighteen years old.

"Yeah, I would say it's not that bad, but my Junior year was the worst."

"Gee, that's helpful," Kurtis says sardonically.

"Hey, that doesn't mean your Junior year will be bad," Alex attempts some comfort.

Yeah, right, Kurtis wants to say because without seeing Alex Wells everyday and having to deal with homophobic jerks, he can't see how his eleventh grade won't be a depressing, shit-show.

But all conversations of Kurtis' upcoming school year is thrown out the window when Kurtis hears, "I think I might be bisexual," come out of nowhere from Alex's mouth before exhaling.

"Oh," Kurtis replies, not sure of what to say. His heart begins to thump loudly against his chest. "How... how does that make you feel?" He asks cautiously.

Alex shrugs and Kurtis sits up to face him. "I don't know," Alex admits. "I mean, my sister is gay, or lesbian- and my best friends are gay which is cool. So I wouldn't be bothered by it, but... I just don't know."

"Hm." Again, not too sure what to say.

"Yeah. This might sound dumb or ignorant- I don't know- but maybe I'm just surrounded by it," ('it' being LGBT+ people, Kurtis presumes), "and it's making me confused? Is that a thing?"

"Um... I'm not too sure," because he's not. Maybe you can confuse yourself of your own sexuality when you're involved with so many people who are- as one might say- 'batting for the other team'. If everyone is on that team, wouldn't you want to join? So, Kurtis really doesn't know if the only reason Alex is questioning his sexuality is because of the people he surrounds himself with.

"I've always been confident about who I am, ya' know?"

Kurtis shifts uncomfortably, switching from sitting with his legs hanging over the bed to bringing them to a crisscross formation. Kurtis nods. He doesn't really talk much anyway, and this conversation, especially, he wants to avoid.

"But, at the same time," Alex speaks without thinking, just brainstorming, really. "Maybe I'm just feeling, 'if I can't have McKenna, maybe I should explore what's here'." He doesn't think too hard about what he just said, but Kurtis does.

His eyebrows draw together in confusion. "What does that mean?" Kurtis asks. His words come off harsh.

"I just meant like..." Alex isn't too sure what he meant and now realizes how shitty his words must've come off as.

"Like 'what's here'" (and by 'what's here' Kurtis is talking about himself because he knows that's what Alex implied even if he didn't mean to). "Is easy and convenient, so go for that?" He uncrosses his legs and stands up because now he's mad and hurt, and when he's feeling these negative emotions, he can't sit still.

Alex moves to the edge of the bed, "That's not what I meant,"

That 'what's here' phrasing had cut deep into Kurtis' heart and Kurtis wants to yell at Alex, 'No one asked you to stop being friends with her! You made that decision on your own! You can have her and her homophobic personality! I wouldn't want you to lower your standards and just 'go for what's here'!

But, Kurtis isn't one to speak out or be confrontational, so instead he says "No, I don't think you're bisexual, Alex, I think you're bored."

Alex flinches from the harsh slam of his bedroom door that followed Kurtis.

*

Kurtis doesn't talk to Alex for a week.

**

Kurtis, my baby💔😭😭😭

Thank you for reading <3
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-Xoxo, Bert