The way you deserve

8-Burden

Hiraeth

I wake up at the same time to get ready for school, it's been a month and a half since we went skating.

Things have been pretty nice between both our groups and it seems like Kai might ask Mia out soon, I think so at least.

These past few weeks,  mom has been really pissed about things even though I don't think I've done anything wrong, she doesn't like me going out too much, she doesn't like it when I'm reading, she doesn't like it when I'm doing anything other than studying.

I peeked downstairs to see if she was here, thankfully she isn't.

After living with an abusive father, the last thing I want is to have an abusive mother.

Oh shit, wasn't that my story for another day?

I mean today is another day so, yeah.

My dad wasn't a bad person, but once he started drinking and went off his rocker, it made him crazy and delusional, he used to hit me and my mom daily, and even cheated on my mother, I just might have a stepbrother who I don't know about.

This went for around 11 years before we were actually able to get out, once we did, it wasn't easy, no stable income, no stable mental health, and living in a patriarchal society without a father is itself a challenge.

It took us 7 years to get our own home, to become stable, and the journey wasn't easy, sometimes my mom and I were close, sometimes I was an easy way to take out anger for her, there were times I was suicidal and times when I cut myself, times when I was bullied for not having a father in school and treated like shit by relatives.

Life was tough, it is tough, but now I've learned how to manage myself, I don't cut anymore, 3 years clean and I haven't felt suicidal in around 2 years.

I do have depressive episodes and I get angry easily as well but no one's perfect, what matters to me is I am getting better but I don't think it'll be long before I go back to square one because of my mom, because of what we faced, it's like there's this responsibility on me to be the best, the better one in the family, to be the topper and to get an amazing job.

mental health? we don't do that here.

and I understand, I do, but I need my time and space too, my mom is kinda abusive too, I don't know if you can call it that though, she slaps me a couple of times and throws things, and sometimes yells, not always though.

She wants me to be this overachiever, because if I'm not, then I'm just a burden.

We have been having a lot of arguments and fights for the last few weeks, it's not like my grades dropped or anything, she just wants me to try harder and be better.

But what is better than an A+?

I am mentally exhausted and more so physically, my head hurts all the time and I have this ringing in my ear.

I decide not to go to school today since I don't feel well, if I go, I'll end up getting worse.

I study for a bit and before I realise it's now after school timing, I check my phone to see some missed calls and texts from my friends.

Mia: Are you alright? Call me asap

Cain: Bestie what's up, r u sick ? Call me, ily <3

How sweet, I think as I reply to them both and go on to the third text,

Arcane: why were you not at school today? Is everything okay?

Why am I getting butterflies over a text