Flowers | Tale Of The Nine Tailed [Lee Rang]

Chapter 13: Daffodil

Have I been abandoned again?

I remembered how I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes and inhaled deeply. I remembered the strings of curses and hisses that I screamed internally, like a wounded dog in pain and agony. I remembered how I was lifted up to my feet by Jiah and Shinju who had hoisted my arms over their shoulders and dragged me out of the scene.

"No, no, no," I muttered. "Please, Ms. Nam, Shinju... I need to see him, I need to see him, I need to see him," I cried. "Please... Shinju? "

They were frightened to tell me the truth, the truth of which I knew deep down but couldn't bring myself to accept, and a sickening sense of sorrow engulfed me, making me physically nauseous.

It should have been me. I shouldn't have told him about everything. I should have looked out for him. I should have paid attention. I should have been there. I should have protected him.

Each statement that played over and over in my thoughts made me cry even harder. It felt worse than heartbreak, like losing your other half. Around Rang, I had always felt a tightening in my chest, but it was now physically hurting me. It wasn't dreamy and giddy like before, it was mournful and upsetting.

"Breathe," Shinju said slowly. I took a ragged breath and tried to relax. I felt hollow, incomplete, missing. My vision blanked out with black spots and a pounding rush of blood to my head. Slowly, the realization that someone I love had just died in front of me once again dawned on me, and I began to cry once more. It was less violent and more agonizing this time. I sobbed in sorrow for his future, which had just slipped from his grasp—perhaps our future as well.

That night, I recall climbing into bed and pulling the blankets over my head, but there was no warmth there either. Rang was gone, taking a piece of me with him.

━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━

"Uhm, hey, it's me... now I understand what Yeon meant in that video. Talking to my phone as if you are in front of me listening but instead, this judge is... is definitely not comfortable...

You couldn't answer your calls and I'm running out of time so this is the only way I could think of to reach you... truth be told, I would have preferred you not to answer my calls because if you did you'd be here right now stopping me... Actually, I have a feeling you'd even sacrifice yourself for my brother, just like what you did for your master.

Being here right now got me wondering, is this how you felt when you made that deal with those judges:

Were you thinking of me? Were you worried about what would happen to me? Were you scared I might live miserably? Did you think that I would assume you abandoned me?

...It's true, I always thought you and my brother abandoned me but thankfully Yeon told me you never did, and looking back at it now... it made sense. I don't know if you intended it for me or not but I knew you were always close by, I always felt your presence nearby. I wanted to reach out and hold you but I was scared it could hurt you all the more after seeing what I did to the village.

If you're watching this now, you're either sad or angry, both maybe... but I'm sure you would understand why I did this...

You did the same years ago except the difference now is that I couldn't be there for you even if it's just afar...

I'm sorry... I'm sorry it had to be this way. I just got to reconcile with you but then we're thorn away again. I'm sorry I have to leave like this.

But please don't become like my brother...

I know that... that was hypocritical for me to say, for me to tell you not to become like my brother while I'm here about to hurt you once again and possibly break you... I'd beg you to hate me if that's possible.