Fury of the Sun

19. Past Tense

Chapter 19

Past Tense

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Soundtrack: 22. Where's Hiccup

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The life was sucked from our little party when returned to Berk, and it was left to Hiccup to tell the grief-stricken families that their relatives weren't coming back home. I watched as Hiccup walked stiffly up to his house. I longed to follow, but something made me stay back, give him space. He needed time to grieve before he could even begin to put himself back together.

I slid off the dragon I had been riding, and stood by his nose, petting his rough scales. They tore at my fleshy hands, and a few specks of blood appeared in my palms; I still had to get used to the weakness of this body. Jack walked up to me as I was wiping the red liquid on the sleeves of my warm cloak, the one Astrid had given me. He began stroking the ridge above the dragons eye, not looking at me.

"Even if it can in no way make up for whatever the hell I was thinking, I want to say sorry," he told me, his voice barely above a whisper. I nodded vaguely. "It's okay," I said. And I meant it. I wouldn't, couldn't trust him right away, but I'd already forgiven him. He looked right at me then. Maybe to see if I was lying. "Okay," he replied. And maybe it was just my imagination, but I could have sworn he had tears in his eyes. We stood in silence, but Jack, being Jack, had to break it.

"So," he said, with an attempt at cheeriness. "How is it being back to normal?"

I laughed half-heartedly. "It doesn't feel like normal. I don't know if I'll ever feel normal." Jack nodded in response. "Well, if you need help with anything, I'll be around. Even if it's just walking," he joked, knowing how I easily became dizzy. "Thanks," I said, and rolled my eyes. Jack strode off, and I watched numbly as the people around me reunited with their loved ones, and relayed stories of our battles. Unexpectedly, I felt hollow. I would have no one to tell, to talk to. No siblings to be awed by my actions. No parents to be proud of me. More than anything, I just wanted someone I could trust, who I could tell everything to. My first choice would be Hiccup, but how can I dump my problems on him when he is battling with the reality of Astrid's death?

Sighing, I guided the dragon I had ridden back to the stables. Halfway there, I saw a familiar blue Nadder. Stormfly, Astrid's dragon, had flown back riderless, and stood at the door of the stables, no doubt looking for Astrid herself. I felt tears sting my eyes. What an unnecessary loss of life. I gave Stormfly a comforting pat as we passed, but she was inconsolable, crooning and growling in her distress. Yet another who would be broken almost beyond repair with Astrid's death.

The Deadly Nadder I had been leading scuttled off into the stable, and I was left alone, just like Stormfly.

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A cloud of sadness hung over the village as we all assembled at the docks. A boat piled high with logs was moored there, waiting. It would only ever hold one passenger. A collective rumble rippled through the dragons as Hiccup took his place before the crowd, staring at the boat. Gobber held an axe high, and its curved fall cut through the thick rope holding the boat to the dock. For a few minutes, there was silence as the boat drifted out with the tide, death clinging to its hull. Hiccup shifted in place, but he did not face the crowd. He stood barely two metres away from me, but it felt like a thousand miles. His eyes glinted with liquid sorrow.

"May they welcome you, Astrid, in the glory of Valhalla," he began. "Gods know you were taken too early. May they sing your name with a thousand praises, and in turn we will always speak of you with pride. Your life, your soul, your heart, were so precious, and I promise I will never let you go. I'll never forget, and I'll wait eagerly for the day we meet again, when I see your beautiful face. I love y-" his voice faltered briefly. "I loved you," he corrected himself, and my heart broke for him. "We all did."

Hiccup raised his bow and positioned the arrow, which burned fiercely. And then he let it fly, the boat caught fire, and I caught one last word as Snotlout, the twins, Fishlegs, and Gobber all sent their own arrows across the water. "Goodbye," Hiccup whispered, and his voice cracked, like pottery left too long in the kiln. Like my heart had. Like everyone's had. And I realised that no, Hiccup would never forget her. Neither would I, neither would anyone in this village; the stories would go on, and in them, the memory of Astrid. I closed my eyes, squeezing out the harsh tears that had gathered there. Maybe I hadn't known her that well, but I thought she deserved my grief at least.

"Goodbye," I echoed softly. Then something happened that made me want to cry and laugh all at once. "Goodbye," I heard someone else call softly. One by one, every single person took up the word, softly calling Astrid's last farewell, until it became a rumbling approval, a cry for vengeance, a call of pride, full of the sadness of several hundred living souls. But silence fell as the boat creaked in final reply, and it cracked in two as it collapsed into the soft waves, leaving our world irreparably Astridless.

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A/N: I edited a couple of chapters. I apologise for the long wait; recently I've been struggling with some personal issues that have made a lot of things difficult or impossible for me to do, especially my creative hobbies.