Fury of the Sun

21. Blame

Chapter 21.
Blame

Soundtrack:

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A cold wind whispered through the tough grass, which was still damp from a deluge of rain that had passed through overnight. It was early, too early, I felt, to be up; but my dreams had been disturbing lately, and the brisk pre-dawn air seemed to brush them away with ease. I had come back to the same cliff where it all started, so many months ago. I closed my eyes with a frown as I remembered how my problems had been so different back then. Grief had replaced my dragon form, as though I had left one prison just to be caught in another.

I kept meeting Astrid in my sleep. When I tried to talk to her, she disappeared into a mist that quickly enveloped everything in sight. I tried to speak to her, to ask for advice; Hiccup was still so lost without her. I had to admit I sometimes was too. But she never spoke, only gazing at me impassively, blankly. I could not help thinking she blamed me. Could it be my fault? I had been the reason she came to the battle, the reason she fought. Could I be the reason she died, too? But she wanted to fight, I told myself weakly. Another, stronger voice accused, There wouldn't have been a fight at all if it wasn't for you.

I sighed into the wind, hot tears pricking my eyes. I had held it in for so long, tried to ignore how much strain Astrid's loss had placed on the people I had come to trust and like, and consequently how much it had on me. My throat tightened painfully as I gazed at the water sloshing insistently against the cliff base. It was so distant, so complex. It never stopped brushing against the shoreline, it never ceased reaching for every inch of land it could.

I sighed again. Tears trickled down my cheeks silently, leaving cold trails in their wake, just as the heat of life burnt so fiercely but left only cold emptiness behind. I drew in a shaky breath that stung my throat and lungs. I hoped Astrid's death was more peaceful than my life seemed at that moment.

With a deep breath, I turned away from the ocean and gazed towards the village. Someone was walking towards me; I couldn't see his face, but I'd recognise that gait anywhere - it was Hiccup. When he reached me he put his arms out and I fell into them gratefully. His warmth overpowered the chill of the air and calmed me. We hugged for a few moments in silence. When he let go, I looked up at him; he had a kind of sad smile on his face. "Come on," he said softly, and we walked back into the village together. He walked me to my house, and paused at the front door.

"It's going to get better. I know it. Even though so much has happened-" he paused, clearly struggling to get the words out, "I know it will get better with time." I gazed at him admiringly. How strong was he, to say that to me, when he was the one who had lost so much? If he could be so strong, then I had to, too, for his sake.
"Yeah. We just gotta stick it out till then," I replied, smiling weakly.
He smiled back, then turned to walk away. My eyes followed him until he turned behind another building and I lost sight of him. Taking a last breath of the cool air, I turned inside, and prepared to face the day.

—
a/n: Super short and sad chappie but I thought you guys might like to see this. It's been in my drafts for months.

I'm not sure if I'm going to keep writing this story. I started it a long time ago and I think I've matured past the point where Hiccup fan fiction is enjoyable for me. It's certainly not as fulfilling any more. I might put up a chapter or two if the mood strikes me, but don't count on it. We'll just have to see. If I do continue it, it might have darker/more mature themes (idk, maybe). So... yeah. I know that'll probably let some people down, and I apologise for that. But if I'm not enjoying it, it won't be good writing anyway. Maybe I'll just end up re-writing the whole thing. Who knows.