ZeeNuNew: The Confession

ZeeNuNew: The Confession Part 3

Hia pulled over on the side of the road, parking on the grass next to a less traveled path right off the shores of Pattaya.

Climbing out, I shut the door behind me, turning to wait for Hia.

"Are you sure this is the right place Hia?"

It was our first time out together, without P'Aof or the rest of the DoMunDi boys. Hia had asked me to a beach day, in order to destress from the craziness of life. We had started workshops the last couple of weeks and it was starting to get intense.

While fake crying had been a certain struggle, that was so much easier than pretending to be in love. Sure, Hia was cool, and I genuinely liked him as a person, I even idolized him as a senior in the industry. And having watched his previous works, I knew he could act, even if he had to do some fine-tuning to play Hia Lian. However, I still felt like, no, I knew, I was a hindrance even though I practiced, often foregoing proper sleep at night just to play catch up.

Still, I had never been in love, man or woman. And a small part of me was still adjusting to acting with a man. And in three days we would start practicing our kissing scenes, eventually to be followed by the NC scene. I was wholly unprepared, I had never kissed anyone, and it scared me to think that he would probably be able to tell.

"Nong NuNew, are you OK? You turned really pale there for a second."

"Yeah, Hia. I was just thinking. I'm sorry."

"Hey it's OK. No need to apologize. If you want to share, I'm all ears."

"Thanks, Hia. I'll think about it."

Looking at him now, I was reminded of that moment, when I felt so overwhelmed with life that I was so close to crying, so exhausted by my schedule and more so by my thoughts.

"Everything alright Nu? You were staring again."

Lightly laughing, I watched him walk over to my side of the car, taking my hands in his, so they hung between us. "Yeah, I'm good Hia, I was just thinking about our first time here. How scared I was, and, well... you know..."

Throwing his head back, Hia gave a short laugh, then pulled me closer.

"Wanna recreate some of those moments?"

"Hia...can I share something with you? I am really scared, and sorta embarrassed about something, but I think in this case I need to tell you."

"Of course Nu. I'm always here for you. What's wrong?"

We had been walking for a while along the beachfront. Hia had assured me that this was the right place, but there wasn't anyone, or anything, in sight for miles. There was just the blue water, sand, and warm sun beating down on our heads. Once we had found our way to the beach past the brush, Hia had suggested a walk, something to do, to distract us, as we worked on our bond.

I had been thinking about coming clean about my lack of experience while we've been getting to know each other more. It's the right thing to do right? It would be more embarrassing to freak out, and mess up,in front of the entire cast and crew than one person. Plus, I didn't want to embarrass him in front of others either. So he would understand, and not tease me about it, right? Gathering all my courage, I decided to just tell the truth:

"I'veneverkissedanyoneandI'mscared!"

Eyes wide, Hia turned to look at me, "Nong, I didn't understand you. You need to slow down. What's wrong?"

Petrified, burning red hot, I closed my eyes, and felt a tear escape.

Whispering slowly "I've never kissed anyone and I'm scared," I turned away from him, feeling more tears escape.