half-baked daydreams

broken heart

this is a the love agenda fanfiction. no spoilers ahead.

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"Rafa, oh my god!"

I lowered the manga that I was reading and looked up to the mess Maggie had become 15 minutes after she told me pupunta lang siya ng cafeteria. It's currently lunch time and the sun sure enjoys its time glaring at everyone. Reason why I opted to stay behind and maybe to give myself some space from her as well. Everything's been confusing me lately.

"You won't believe what happened to me!"

"What happened to you?"

We almost said that at the same time. She sat on the arm chair beside me and dragged it a little so it she can face me properly. I just noticed how she came from the cafeteria empty handed. Sabi niya bibilhan niya rin ako ng tubig, ah.

"Okay so I was on my way to cafeteria when I saw Moses and his squad. Wait you remember Moses right?" 

Yes. Your current crush. "Yeah. The one about 3 rooms away from here?"

"Yes! And my crush. Don't forget the most important detail!" Yeah as if I needed reminding.

She said the latter parts in a hushed tone as if someone is interested enough to know what we're talking about. But no one is, they all seem so busy. I hope I was too but who am I kidding? Even if I was, I would willingly stop whatever I'm doing to listen and hear Maggie. She's always been interesting despite the fact that we grew up close but I didn't know she can be a lot more interesting... or I'm just a lot more drawn to her than usual.

I did not give any attention to the ache I was feeling as she talk about the moment she had with her crush. A moment distracting enough for her to forget why she was outside in the first place, to buy herself a snack and the water she promised me. She thought it was just destiny that she had to go out while he was out there, waiting for her. The destiny did not care about how thirsty I am right now, huh.

"Hay," she sighed dreamily, looked outside, and creepily smiled.

"Ano sana ang gusto mo bilhin kanina?" I said while brought my wallet out of my bag.

"Huh?"

"Mags, you went out to buy a snack because you said your lunch wasn't enough. You forgot. Now I'm buying water because I'm thirsty. Tell me what you wanted to buy, ibibili kita." 

"Oh my god, your water!" She looked at me guilty but I gave away no emotion. 

"Ako na bibili. Galing ka na sa labas at mainit. You might also get distracted again." Sinimangutan niya ako at sinabi ang gusto niya sanang bilhin. She even tried to go with me but I conviced her not to bother anymore. She's not prone to sudden changes in temperature. It's really hot outside habang malamig naman dito sa room. She might just get sick if she goes out again. 

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"I can't believe it, Rafa. One week after the moment we had and suddenly he's courting Janina?"

Maggie's now in my room ranting about how this dude 3 rooms away from ours is currently courting a girl that's not her. He's been her crush for almost 5 months now. 

"Maybe he really likes her?" She pouted and damn if I say that did not do anything to me. "Look, if the guy really liked you, he would've made more than just a move, Mags. Sure you had your what you call "moments" but was that enough? He gave no words." 

She suddenly pressed her hands in her cheeks, with a little more strength in my opinion, and pouted her lips even more.

"Okay, fine. He's just my happy crush anyway. You know what, I'm not even that hurt. I'm just... I don't know. Disappointed? Or yeah... maybe I'm a little hurt. Just a little." She even said that with her thumb and pointing finger almost closing the distance. Then she smiled cutely at me and giggled.

"Gosh Rafa you were too serious but thank you anyway. Do you know how glad am I that you're my bestfriend?"

I stared at her and wondered if I'll ever be more. 

"Order ako pizza ha? Pwede bang libre mo since heartbroken ako."

I looked away and mumbled sure as she dialed the number of her favorite pizza parlor. 

She glanced at me every now and then while I pretend to read something from my notebook.  She would sometimes smile at me and whenever I met her gaze, I try my best not to show how this heart is beating wildly because of her.

I realized then how far she is despite how close we are. She can be tasked to look for a lover and the last place she'll look at is wherever am I. I can offer my everything and the last thing she'll be interested in is my heart. But I guess that's fine. As long as I get to be with her. This feeling can still pass. I can still move on. This might eventually fade but our friendship? It's not something I would willingly risk losing in the name of being brave. So while this feeling is here, I guess I just need to learn how to nurse a broken heart.