"kiss me, darling," was all richie had said. he'd done it in his best dramatic, faux transatlantic hollywood accent. he was joking, obviously, but if stanley kissed him right then, who was he to argue?
of all the outcomes, he had not expected the one he got.
stanley turned his head to him, his eyes blinking slowly as he mumbled something, and in a manner of seconds was falling towards richie. he didn't reach out for the ground, and richie realized very fast he was fainting. he reached for him quickly, his arms stretching under stanley to catch him.
ben gasped and rushed towards stanley, eddie calling immediately for someone to get the nurse. stanley's weight hit richie's arms, the two sinking to the ground softly.
"hey, baby, holy shit, what's happening," richie muttered, pulling stanley onto him. stanley, almost entirely limp, breathed shallowly onto richie. richie used his hands to undo one of the buttons of stanley's polo shirt, in case it was restricting his breathing. "what the fuck do you do when someone faints?" richie asked, ben taking stanley from richie's arms to lie him down on the ground.
people had swarmed around their group now, everyone in the cafeteria observing the boy passed out on the ground. bill tried to tell them to give him space, but his stutter got the better of him. beverly had to repeat the sentiment in a more aggressive tone for people to take the hint.
ben lifted up stanley's legs slightly, "just trust me. i used to pass out a lot at home. my mum taught me what to do." he held stanley's legs above the ground and the losers nervously exchanged looks. richie just stared at stanley, worried.
when stanley woke up, he was in the nurse's office section of the main office. he groaned and tried to sit up, but it made him dizzy again, and he lied down. suddenly, he felt the urge to vomit. he retched and yanked his head to the right, where suddenly ben was there, a garbage can in his hands. had ben been there the whole time?
stanley threw up more stomach acid in the garbage can. well, that wasn't great. he had to stop this masochistic ritual. but in a strange, almost evil way, it felt good. his body was confirming something was in fact wrong with him.
"yeah, sitting up right away is not the smartest move," ben commented, stanley leaning back once more before retching again. stanley wasn't quite sure why his body had decided now was the time to give up, but whatever.
"wha-" stanley began, his head suddenly hurting. it cut him off, and he grabbed his forehead in an attempt to solve the pain.
"you fainted. in the caf."
"oh. fuck."
"and, i have something to tell you. well, sorta tell you. and i'm only saying it because i love you. okay?" ben paused, and stanley nodded slowly. ben was hardly a sentimental one in the group, and stanley felt nervous. ben gulped. maybe he was nervous too.
"i had an eating disorder for, um, years. i'm fine now, i'm in recovery. have been a long time. but, and i'm afraid to say this, but the fainting, and the vomiting, and i hardly ever see you eat at lunch, and richie tells me all you do at home is sleep. and i know you went to greta's party, and you couldn't have gotten driven, so you must have walked, and that's an insanely long walk. it's all familiar."
stanley was silent. ben looked away from stanley at a poster on the wall, then back to him. "and if i'm wrong, then i'm sorry. if i'm wrong, then just go to a doctor and see if you have diabetes or something. but if i'm not wrong, i know what's that like. and there's no good ending except for the one where you recover. none of us want to see you in pain."
stanley bit his tongue. fuck.
"i haven't said anything to the others. they're in class. i told them i'd text them when you woke up, so i'm going to do that now, i just thought you should know that. i'm here for you, stan. i love you, man." ben paused. "i hope i'm wrong."
but ben knew, from the tears in stanley's eyes, that he was right.
"i'm sorry, ben. i'm sorry."
"i... i just want you to get better. so if you need someone to eat with, or you want to go somewhere to get help, let me know. i'll help however i can." and ben brought his phone out, presumably to text the others. stanley stayed silent, knowing if he spoke his tears would escape him.
"um, anyway, i brought this granola bar. i don't know if you feel up to eating, but it's less of an ask and more of a bodily demand. so, y'know," ben dug a granola bar out of his bag. it was small, and ben put his hand out for stanley to grab it. hesitantly, stanley took the granola bar. he stared at the packaging of it, not particularly scared, just a little disgusted. he hadn't had an appetite in days, but he hadn't meant for it to get this bad.
it wasn't that he was on a quest to not eat; he just never really felt like it.
but ben brought out a second one, and slowly started to eat it. as he ripped the wrapper away, he glanced up at stanley, and stanley did the same. there was a supportive smile on his face.
"stan! how are you feeling?" richie came in the door behind the two of them. stanley had yet to take a bite of the granola bar, and turned his head to richie. a small smile spread across his face just at the sight of richie.
"i'm.. 'm fine now." stanley said. he watched ben take a bite of the granola bar, and slowly took a bite of his own. it felt impossible, but he continued to eat. ben looked proud.
"so, what happened?" richie asked, pulling a chair up. ben kept eating silently. stanley swallowed his bite (feeling sorta sick) and took a slow breath.
as he inhaled, he considered telling richie all of it. he exhaled and felt all the sentences breathe out in front of him like cigarette smoke.
i'm poisoning myself hoping it'll get bad enough for my parents to notice.
i don't know why this isn't enough for me to feel better.
ben's being kind but there's no way for any kindness to reach me at home.
instead, he gulped, "i don't know. i just felt really dizzy suddenly." he took a second bite, resisting the urge to spit it out in the garbage can. it didn't taste that bad, but being immediately post vomit, he was still a little nauseous. his stomach slightly hurt.
richie placed a hand cautiously on stanley's face. stanley could read his concern. he said nothing.
