| the air |

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After Hangman dropped me off, I couldn't tell if the tension between us got better or worse.

We started talking more, but our competitiveness only got worse. We even started to tease each other.

I would win, and I would rub my victory is his face.

"You see that Hangman? That's how a real pilot flies."

"If I flew like you Avalanche, I would be dead right now." He says.

I smirk, knowing I'm getting on his nerves, "You wish you could fly as good as me. And at least I don't leave my wingman hanging."

Hangman looks up to look into my eyes, "That's because they're never good enough for me."

"Sure," I snort, "keep telling yourself that."

But my streak didn't last when he started winning a game or two, and then Rooster won, and Phoenix and her WSO won a game. 

But it didn't matter, I was still in the lead.

"Kazansky's are winners." My father's voice echoed in my head. He would tell me that before every sports game I played in high school, and then repeated it to me after a loss.

Kazansky's are winners.

When Hangman won, it was a whole other level of cockiness.

I was the same way when I won of course, but I never knew how to react to him.

I would be a little jealous, but then it was nice to see him so happy and confident.

Until he rubbed it in my face.

Our official scoring came out, because we time had passed so fast that we were over halfway done at Top Gun.

7 weeks down, 6 to go.

I was leading, Hangman was behind me, then Phoenix, then Rooster, and so on...

Life was going great. I was top of my class, flying every single day, and making friends.  I had nothing to complain about.

But I had a bad feeling when I was pulled aside by Commander Metcalf after class one afternoon.

"Avalanche?" He asks, and I stop my conversation with Phoenix.

I'm surprised, but not exactly caught off guard. "Yes sir?"

"Admiral Kazansky is coming in 5 minutes, and you'll meet him in my office." Commander Metcalf, Viper, explains.

I bet it feels weird to call one of your former students as a higher officer.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I question, "Why?" I hadn't talked to him in a couple of weeks, we had both been busy and never found time to talk.

It couldn't have been that important, couldn't it?

I mean, I know I didn't do anything wrong, at least, not from the top of my head. There was was no point asking if I was in trouble.

Viper shrugged, it was weird to see him this informal, "Your father just informed me that it needed to talk to you immediately. Iceman said that it was urgent."

"Okay, thank you Commander." I said, and I let him lead me to the administrative side of Miramar.

His office.

"Wait here," he said, and then closed the door behind him.

I did a 360 around the room, before settling at the seat behind his desk. I ended up entertaining myself by looking over at the little bobbles that were on his desk.

One caught my eye: a picture of his family, and I wondered if my father still had the one of him and me in front of my first plane right after graduating from the naval academy.

My eyes snap up when the handle starts turning. The door opens, and it's my father.

The years have been worn on him, greys peak behind his unnaturally blonde hair that we shared, but he still has that air of iciness around him.

I've heard some people call it the Kazansky Effect.

"Dad." I sigh in relief.

"Hello Zoe." He says in a scratchy voice, but I assume he's trying to sound sincere. I frown though, because he sounds worse than the last time I saw him.

I got up out of the cushioned chair, and he engulfed me into a large hug, holding me for a few extra seconds more than we usually did.

That was the second noticeable thing that told me something was wrong.

"What's up?" I asked my father, I wanted to know what was happening in the real world for almost the past two months.

"Zoe..." he begins, unsure how to say whatever he needs to tell me. He's avoiding my eyes.

Suddenly I realized that this wasn't Iceman anymore. This was my father. And something had gone horribly wrong. He was always the authoritative type, and he would get mad when someone wouldn't meet his eyes, it was disrespectful.

"Dad, what's wrong?" I demanded. He was really scaring me. "I've never seen you like this."

My heart started to pound harder out of fear.

"I have throat cancer."

It was the end of the world. The walls seemed to close, and my jumpsuit too tight. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe.

This wasn't possible. I mean, this was Iceman we were talking about. My father was invulnerable, glorified, legendary.

There was too much weight, and I wobbled, struggling to keep my feet grounded.

My father grabbed the sides of my arms to steady me, and set me down in a seat. After making sure I was okay, he poked his head out of Viper's office and asked, "We need a medic!"

And that's the last thing I remember before I slumped over, and the world went black.

"Avalanche! Was it true that you almost fainted in Metcalf's office? What did your dad do? Tell you that you weren't doing good enough?" Coyote asked me, hovering over me at lunch that next day.

Some secretary he's been screwing with must've blabbed to him.

"Shut up." I say, tired of keeping secrets, but more stressed out for my father. I didn't need more problems to take on, I don't know what my limit was.

"No witty come back?" Payback joined in.

"Why would I need one when it's you." I said, daring anybody else to try and insult me.

Hangman stared at me. "Guys, lay off her." I gaped for a second, Jake never missed an opportunity to tease me, it was our thing.

If he was saying something, I must've noticeably been off.

But I wasn't off.

After passing out from sheer shock, I flew a little more rigid. A little more cold.

My flying was faster, my turns were tighter, and my shots were more accurate. But if you look closely, my fingers were white from how hard my death grip was on my control stick.

That day, all the Top Gun students went out to sea and we practiced maritime strikes.

And I got a near perfect score.

I wouldn't disappoint my father. I couldn't.

I couldn't ruin his memory, not when he was going through radiation and chemo treatments.

Not when he was dying.

Because Kazansky's were winners.

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