Still Holding On

Chapter 15

Tony manages to convince Loki to go lie down and take a nap.

He convinced a god to take a nap.

He's not saying that makes him the single most amazing person on the planet, but it's pretty damn close.

And it leaves Tony a bit of free time to do as he pleases. He does a bit of work cleaning up the damage the Chitauri left behind, very nearly destroying his vacuum in the process. He's going to have a lot of trash to throw out with these bags of dust and drywall he's collecting. He's definitely gonna hire somebody to rebuild this. It's just not manageable by himself.

He gives up on that after an hour or so and heads down to his lab, where he's been working on fixing up the Mark VII. It took a bit of damage when he fell from a wormhole in outer space. He's been making notes on what he'd like to improve on the Mark VII, too. You can never have too advanced an Iron Man suit, that's his motto.

"Sir," JARVIS says, "I suggest you get to Loki's room as quickly as possible.",

Tony furrows his brows. "What? Why?"

"It is difficult to explain," JARVIS says. "However, I do think it qualifies as an emergency."

"Ah, shit," Tony mutters.

He takes off running, wasting no more time reaching Loki's room. He practically flies down the stairs, quite possibly faster than he's ever run down them before, and then he's there, on Loki's floor, just a few doors away from his room.

And Loki's screaming.

The sound pierces through the otherwise silent hallway, and Tony grimaces. It's just shriek after shriek of pain and fear, almost deafening in volume.

Tony throws the door open, and Loki is lying in bed, writhing in pain. His back arches off the mattress, his limbs sprawled out, tensed, his face contorted in pain as he cries out again.

Tony runs to his side and crouches down next to him. "Loki!" He grabs his arm, shaking it vigorously until Loki pulls it away. "Hey, Loki!" Tony grabs him by the shoulders this time, throwing his body back and forth with as much force as he can without pushing him off the bed.

Loki's eyes snap open, and he sucks in a sharp, pained breath. He throws his arms out in front of himself, hands frantically tracing his sleeves before they move to his face, his legs. His eyes are wide, panicked, scanning his body and then his surroundings.

"Hey," Tony says, trying to be gentle but damn if he's not freaked out. "Loki, you're okay."

"I'm not okay," he says breathlessly. "I'm not okay. I'm not—"

"You're okay," Tony says again. "It was just a dream. You're okay."

"No, it wasn't," Loki whispers. "It wasn't a dream. It was—" He shakes his head frantically. "It was real. It was as real as..." He trails off, hugging his arms around himself.

"Loki..." Tony grabs the mattress, using it to leverage himself to his feet before he climbs onto it. Loki moves aside instinctively, giving him space to sit down. "It was a dream. It wasn't real."

"Yes, it was," Loki insists. "You don't understand. You can't understand. He's angry. He's angry with me and he won't stop until—"

"Loki, he can't touch you," Tony interrupts, almost pleading with him to understand. It was just a dream. Why can't he see that?

"He can," Loki says. "He can and he did and I—" He shakes his head again, tears welling up in his eyes. "I cannot live like this. If the Allfather won't kill me, I'll do it myself."

Tony's eyes go wide. "What?"

"I want to go home," Loki murmurs. He grabs his blanket, half-tucked underneath Tony's butt though he doesn't seem to notice, and wraps it around his shoulders like a cocoon. "I want to go home."

"Loki—" Tony scoffs. He slips the blanket out from underneath him, and Loki wraps it tighter around himself. "'I want to go home' and 'I want to die' are two very different statements."

"When will Thor come back?" Loki asks.

"I don't know," Tony admits.

"If he's not back by tonight—"

"If he's not back by tonight, you're staying with me," Tony interrupts. "Okay? You're staying with me."

Loki pulls his blanket even tighter around his shoulders. He rocks back and forth slightly, staring straight ahead with blank eyes. "I can still feel the ghost of flames on my skin," he whispers. "That scorching pain, unending in its misery."

"Are you in pain now?" Tony asks cautiously.

"It's so hot."

"Loki..." Tony's fingers find the hem of the blanket he's wrapped around himself so tight. "Maybe you should take the blanket off."

Loki pulls it tighter.

"If you're hot—"

"No."

"Alright." Tony takes his hands away. "Are you okay?"

"I never want to sleep again," Loki mumbles. "I don't want him in my head. I don't understand why he's still in my head."

"And you're sure it wasn't a dream?" Tony asks.

"It was real," Loki says. "It was very, very real."

Tony's not sure he believes that, but he can tell that Loki does, so he doesn't try to change his mind. He wouldn't know how to. "What can I do?"

Loki just shakes his head.

"Anything," Tony insists. "What can I do?"

He shakes his head again. "Just..." He looks over at him, his eyes filled with tears. "Don't leave me alone with him."