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If Johnny was attempting to be honest with me regarding his feelings, I was doing the exact opposite with him. 'Dishonest' might as well be my middle name.
My feelings couldn't be explained on any given day. I am a mess. Maybe it was because Johnny was Austin's older brother. Maybe it was the age gap. Maybe it was because I was genuinely interested in exploring my budding relationship with Jess. Maybe I just can't admit to myself what I really want. Something in me was holding me back from being as open with Johnny as he had bravely been with me last night when he had surprised me at my house.
My date with Jess was nothing short of wonderful. The conversation flowed, I really enjoyed her company... but all through the night, I felt just a little off, and Jess took notice. She was as sweet as ever, so we wrapped our date a little early, agreeing to catch up again next week. Maybe my stomach is still just too unsettled for all this drinking, I had told her. I think a good night's rest is what I need. We parted ways, saying goodnight until we would meet again for our next shift at work.
Deep down, I knew, it wasn't the alcohol making me queasy. I needed to clear the air with Johnny, and with Jess, too. I need to figure out what it is I really want. I spent the entirety of the next day in solitude, thanking my lucky stars the store was closed on Sundays. I shut my eyes, squeezing them tight, wishing I could melt into my mattress and disappear.
