I Realize. |l.s.|

III

November 11th, 2018

A raging headache is the first thing I feel while my eyes open to the blinding sun that is shining down onto my face. I can feel something cold supporting my bodyweight, and I look down to see that my pants are soaked from the dewy grass and mud I'm sitting on. I groan, grabbing my head with my muddy hand, desperately trying to find a way to ease the sharp head pain.

To my right, I see my burnt out, soggy cigarette. I regret ever lighting that thing; if I would've just waited until I got back home or something, I wouldn't have been found by Alex and his friends. I sit myself up further, looking back to see that it's a brick wall I'm against. I'm at the back of the school, and seeing as there is no one else here, it's been over for a few hours.

By the time I get home, the sun has started to set. My body aches from the beating and not to mention the long distance of the walk, but I pay no attention to that in comparison to the sheer hate I feel towards myself at the moment. I walk into the empty house, already missing my parents, who left yesterday morning. Although they aren't here, I hold back the tears brimming my eyes until I smash my face into my pillow and hug my other pillow tight to my chest.

~~~

It's finally Friday, but much to my dismay, I'm not too happy. It has nothing to do with the day of the week, but more so to do with my mother who is speaking to me over the phone from the other side of the globe.

"Louis, darling, I'm not trying to ruin this for you, but-"

"It sounds like that's exactly what you're trying to do. What, I'm not lonely enough for you?" I scoff. She lets out a long sigh, and I shake my head in disbelief. If anyone should be frustrated here, it's me.

"He's just so much older than you," she says unsurely. "Me and your father just don't want you with someone who has an advantage over you like that."

"So, you don't trust me, is that it?" I ask, not caring to hide my offense. "First my car, now this?"

"It's him we don't trust, Louis. You might feel pressured into doing things-"

"Oh my god, Mum!" I cringe, knowing exactly what she's referring to, and also that we've done exactly that.

"-things that you're not ready for," she finishes, before sighing. "Just, please be careful?"

"Whatever," I say in anger, hanging up and throwing my phone onto my bed. I then head over to the full body mirror hanging on my closet door and roll up my sweatshirt sleeve, checking on the wrap covering the fresh tattoo I got yesterday evening. It's sort of dumb--just some skateboarder with an awkward line under it, but I still think it's sick. I hear a ding on my phone and pick it up, reading it off in my head.

Ryan: Wanna go out tonight?? I'll pick u up around 9

Sounds good xxx :Louis

Not even three hours later, me and Ryan are sat in the corner booth towards the back. I'm on his lap, straddling him and grinding into his hardon while he messily kisses me, hands firm on my ass while mine are sneaking their way under his shirt. When I'm kissing him, I don't think about my mother's words, and my biological father, or Zayn coming home soon, or even Harry. All I'm worried about is the heat I feel and the high I'm on mixed with Ryan's hands, his lips, his dick. It's in this moment that I realize that I don't need my friends or family, or bloody Harry, but I do need Ryan. And when I say need, I mean that in two different ways.

~~

Looks like Louis changed from book one!

How are you feeling about Ryan? Do we love him? Do we hate him? 

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