I Realize. |l.s.|

XV

August 18, 2020

"Is that the last box?" I ask, closing the door behind Liam. He sits it down with all the other boxes in the living room.

"Yep," he says. We're moving a ton of stuff from back home into my new apartment so I don't have to buy it all. It's mostly just the essentials. Mum and dad wanted to buy and nicer place, but I convinced them it would be pointless if I'm alone.

"Damn," Zayn sighs, looking around. "You're really growing up on me, aren't you?"

"Guess so," I shrug. "Thanks again for helping me. Not sure I'd be able to lift half those boxes on my own."

"No problem," Liam says. "You know the other guys wanted to be here too."

"Yeah, they texted me," I smile. "Well, Harry texted me. Niall sent a very long voicemail."

"How about we unbox all the bigger things and then go to grab some takeout."

"Sure," I say. We get the furniture all set up and the rest I can handle on my own. We decide to get Chinese which I'm very happy about and we head back to my place, where we set up the tv and watch on the couch. When it starts getting darker outside, they head out, leaving me alone with my lights. That's never ended well in the past, but things are good now.

Despite my hatred for being alone, risking a repeat of high school is worse. I want to go though college with no beatings. Maybe my expectations are low, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

It's a few weeks later when my classes officially start. I sit off to the side, near the back. Away from everyone else, when the class isn't full. It's not like high school, we don't have easy work the first few classes. We just jump right into notes and assignments, and I don't like it. It's not so bad, though. I've always been good in school when I actually try. 

I find it funny, how serious I was about school a few years ago. Before everything went down with dad, I wanted so badly to prove myself. School was good, every A I got was further validation. It made me feel like maybe the Maliks didn't make a mistake, taking me in.

And then after things went to shit, nothing mattered. With dad, I just worried about getting through the day with a roof over my head a minimal bruising. When I went back to my real home, no one was there for me, and I was smoking away the pain.

I think I'm finally seeing school for what it is: preparing to be an adult. I don't have to finish top of my class to know I'm worth something. I have to do well, of course I do, but doing well doesn't mean perfection.

As I'm sitting in my lecture several minutes before it starts, I feel the presence of someone near me before they actually sit down. 

Right beside me.

I keep my head down, taking more time than I need to get my notebook and pencil out. I get my textbook, and I even write the date at the top right corner. Anything to avoid sitting in awkward silence. I startle when he speaks, but it's subtle enough for him to hopefully not notice. I turn, and there sits a harmless guy who looks just as young as me.

"Hey," he says. "Do you happen to have a pencil I could borrow?"

"Yeah, sure," I breathe, grabbing him a pencil from my nearly empty vans backpack. I take out a mechanical pencil—my least favorite one—and hand it to him with a shy smile.

"Thanks mate," he says. "I'm assuming you're a freshman?"

"That obvious?" I answer with a question. He laughs, and I feel tension leaving my neck and shoulders. 

"Yeah, it is," he grins, amused. "Don't worry, I'm a sophomore. I don't have a superiority complex like some seniors here."

"That's a relief."

"I'm Steven," he says.

"Louis," I respond.

"I'm relieved to know someone now. None of my other friends seem to be in here." I smile tightly. He seems nice, but I'm not sure if he always will be. One wrong move, and he could turn out just the same as everyone at my old school did. "I guess I should shut up, now. S'about to start." He turns to the front, and so do I. When the lecture finally ends, I'm already rushing out of my seat. I don't bother to put my stuff in my bag, I just carry it. And I let Steven keep the pencil. It won't really be missed.

By the time the same lecture rolls around again, I make sure to show up just before it starts. When I hear Steven call my name, I make the mistake of meeting eyes with him. He smiles and waves me over. I smile in apology, waving back hesitantly. I keep walking, though, to the other section of seats, in the opposite corner from him. He doesn't come up to me after, and I can see him glancing at me as he leaves the room. Good, he got the memo.

Maybe I'm being lame, and maybe I was a dick to him, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I need to look out for myself. I refuse to allow myself to let it all happen again.

~~

Another chapter! A bit short, just letting you get a feel of Louis' college life.

Thoughts? Questions? Concerns?

...compliments are more than welcome, too ;)