Greenhouse || Xavier Thorpe x Male Reader

all i could ask for || chapter 18

 The wildflowers were planted a few days before Parent's Day, and I've filled the space they left with more tropical plants. After Xavier and my conversation last night, I spent all day in the greenhouse transplanting things and growing more. His battles with family are not mine to fight. Still, something within me seems to fracture every time I see him the way he is now, not living but just surviving.

The plants around me react, withering or refusing to grow. It took immense effort to keep my tropical garden alive this morning, but I suffered no casualties. Xavier's been in his shed all day, and I'm trying to accept that maybe he's right. If I give him space until he comes to me, ready to talk, maybe he will be okay again.

I look around at the greenhouse before grabbing my coat and locking up. The dirt on my hands gets into the sleeves as I pull it over my arms, so I shake them out while walking down the path to the quad.

By the time I find my friends, I think I've killed several blades of grass around me. When I look at the path to the greenhouse, there are several footprint-like spots of dead grass. They notice.

"Well, this is a change from the normal bright green grass," Enid remarks. I sigh.

"Can't help that. Where's Xavier?"

"He's probably still in his art shed or sleeping," Ajax tells me. "Why don't you stop worrying about him for once and let yourself have fun? We're going down to Jericho."

I shake my head, about to turn down the offer, when Wednesday takes my arm and drags me along with them.

"The rest of them were worried about you," she says. "They know Xavier, and that's why he has the therapy sessions. But they also know you. Whereas I admire your turn to death, they don't seem to like it as much."

I glare at her. "You can't just make things go away with therapy, Wednesday, you of all people should know that."

"Be that as it may, if you argue about this again, I'll disembowl you. Enid was upset about the fact both you and Xavier have been sad, and I will not tolerate that."

It's not the threat of disembowlment that silences me, but the realization of the fact that other people have been affected by this, not just plants. She lets go of me, and I walk alongside the group as we make our way down the long road to Jericho.

~=~

I walk back into my room, pulling off the coat and hanging it up. Xavier still isn't here, but I expected that. In Jericho, the group had dragged me around from shop to shop, hike to hike, until I thought my legs would collapse. It felt good to be with friends, and for the first time since the Parent's Day announcement, I was actually enjoying myself.

When I go to water my plants, they don't bend away from me. Everything is slowly returning back to normal again. The door creaks as I put away my watering can, hinges slowly turning to avoid a slam.

"Hey," Xavier says, coming up behind me. "Sorry for not joining you guys in Jericho today."

"It's fine. You needed your space, nothing wrong there," I respond. He shakes his head.

"I've been pretty distant lately, and even though it's got nothing to do with you, it's been affecting us. You told me the other day I can't just say I'll be fine, but now you're doing the same thing." he tells me.

"Okay, it's not fine. You're still obviously not okay, but you're covering it up again. And then you come and apologize for taking time for yourself. I know you want to think that everything will work out just fine if you lock it away, but it won't. It's not good if you just let it burn you from the inside."

He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs, leaning against the window. "I can't just make myself okay, [Y/N]. If I'm being honest, I haven't been fully okay in a while. I've been getting better, but that's the price that comes with being with someone like me. I'm still working on being okay."

"I knew that going into this, Xavier," I say. "I don't need you to be something you can't be right now. I just need you to talk to me and not sweep everything under a rug."

"I can try, but I may not be able to just share everything. Not yet."

"That's all I could ask for."