ΩMEGA

Chapter Fourteen

Bridger

My biggest fear growing up was disappointing people — not just the ones I cared about, everyone. My father wanted me to be a beta so I blindly followed his wishes because I couldn't imagine being anything my father didn't want me to be; teachers in both the pack and the human schools expected nothing less than excellence from me and I forced myself to always meet those expectations; people expected me to always be by Arron's side, to be his shadow, to keep him out of trouble, to be his advisor and still, I do all that and more.

Someone being disappointed in me is the equivalent of being punched repeatedly in the gut. It's a terrible feeling; a feeling that spreads through my body like mold and eats through my muscles and skin. It's awful. Just awful.

I remember when I told my father that I was into men. He had been talking to me about mates; how I need to treat her like she's everything and more, how I need to dedicate my entire self to her. He told me it's what he did for my mother before she passed and he doesn't regret any moment he ever spent with her, just that he couldn't spend more. When I told him 'Dad, I think I'd rather have a boy as a mate' he had just stared at me. He didn't say anything but nothing he could have said would have hurt worse than seeing the look of pure disappointment on his face.

But that experience certainly doesn't equate to what happened in high school. My high school experience haunts me to this day and it's easy to say that I not only disappointed someone but I completely failed them. I still believe I have blood on my hands and that blood just became fresh from yesterday's events.

Peyton's face when he realized what was happening is still fresh in my mind. He wasn't necessarily disappointed but it was the type of face that someone makes when they've been betrayed — except they knew that it would happen. He looked at me like he expected nothing less and I had no time to explain.

And Kian...Goddess. He was disappointed in my inability to keep all his friends safe after I promised them that. Something so simple and so basic yet I didn't do it. Why? Because Arron was scared of making a fuss? No, no I can't blame Arron. This is my fault. I didn't want to make a fuss or add to the scene that was already happening.

'Goddess, Bridger. Anymore self-pitying, I might make like Kian's wolf and disappear' Jace grumbles.

'That's not funny, Jace'

'You're right, that was distasteful. But anyway, stop wallowing in self-pity because it won't do anything but make you insecure in your next steps. If all goes well with your plan, Kian can see to reuniting with Peyton on their own time. Stay focused on the task at hand, what happened happened. Nothin' you can do about it now'

The best thing about having a logical wolf is this. Jace never fails to keep me in check. From the day I met him at age eleven to now, Jace has always kept my thoughts as logical and centered as possible.

But still, knowing that I disappointed and even betrayed Kian is keeping me up in these unholy hours. I really need to sleep—

Ding!

I jolt when I hear my phone notification sound off beside me. Frowning, I roll onto my side and grab the usually silent thing off my nightstand. The light momentarily blinds me and when I can finally see, my heart flops over itself when Kian's name pops up. But then it stops when I read his message.

Kian✨: I can't be alone...can I be with you?

My thumbs hover over my keyboard. My immediate thought is to type yes but I second guess myself. I can't lie to myself and say Kian has warmed on me since the day I first saw him. His beauty was enough to make me like him but now that I'm slowly getting to know him, I definitely know there's even more attraction there. I hate to say it because it sounds so elementary, but I have a Goddess-forsaken crush on the man.