ΩMEGA

Chapter Nineteen

Trigger Warning: talks of bullying and suicide

Bridger

While the ball has already been rolling since Kian was finally filled in on the plan, Jenna having her pup has sort of sped up the pace of the ball. While I knew that Jenna would give birth at any time, I wasn't expecting it to be this early and now I've realized just how unprepared Kian is. I have stayed in contact with Corzo and he has agreed to continue with Kian's training and more in-depth since we are in a time crunch. I just feel bad for not training Kian as intensely as I should have.

As we make our way into the woods, I look up at the night sky and search for the moon. The full moon is coming soon which means Goddess is closer to Earth than She usually is. I'm hoping that my plan tonight will work with Her being so close to us now.

Then again, maybe I'm just too religious.

As we near closer to Kian's departure, I want him to be equipped for his new role. Two huge parts of being a werewolf are our ability to shift and our connection to our wolf. Kian has neither. While I can't force his wolf to return to him, I want him to be able to shift before he leaves. We have been trying over and over but to no avail, but tonight, I'm hopeful.

"What are we doing?" Kian finally asks as soon as we stop.

When I turn to look at him, he looks weary. I try not to take offense to it, seeing as he likely still has some mistrust towards wolves of a higher rank. It's normal for him and has nothing to do with me...I hope.

"We're going to shift," I answer.

He sighs and looks down at the ground. He's become insecure and annoyed with himself for not being able to shift. But I've constantly supported him while he tried and made sure to not make him feel bad. However, he needs to shift before he leaves and now I need to rush it.

"Kian, you have to shift," I say, "I've told you that you will be able to eventually, it's hard for you because Syrus is dormant but I know you can shift. It's important that you shift before you leave."

"I know...it's just...I can't," Kian says as he leans against a tree and crosses his arms. "I don't know how. I can't do it. I don't know what to feel or think when trying. I just..." he trails off, shaking his head and staring at the ground.

Explaining to someone how to shift is incredibly hard since shifting is an ability that all wolves have. It's as natural. Shifting is like hitting puberty - everyone goes through it and you can't tell them how to do it, you can only prepare them for it. Then it becomes second nature once we master the transformation through our adolescence. For me, it's so easy and natural that I don't even have to think about it. My body is already acting before I call upon it and before I know it, I've fully shifted.

So I can't begin to explain to Kian how to do it, I can only guide him through it. It's all on him to feel the pull and to push himself through it since Syrus isn't with him to help. I can feel Jace's sadness at the idea of not having a wolf and not being able to shift into one.

"You do know how," I say, "it's in you as a werewolf, you just have to find it."

It's a stupid thing to say, but I don't know what else to tell him.

He looks up at me and I look down at him. He looks absolutely ethereal with the pale moonlight shining over him. There's a slight breeze tonight and his curls bounce around as the wind blows through them. He looks a little annoyed with me, I think he's trying to hide it, but I can't help but smile. It only makes his frown deepen before he breaks eye contact and looks down to the ground.

"Think about the omegas you will be helping," I say, walking a little closer to him. I touch underneath his chin and gently guide his head to look up at me. My heart does something crazy and pray to Goddess that he didn't hear it.