Sketchbook

Chapter 20

Gabby wasn't doing too well for the next couple of months. She had become an orphan. Mother decided to adopt her. She was officially my sister which made us both so happy, but the happiness was short-lived. Gabby was always really bad at hiding the fact that she had been crying for the past hours. I tried to spend as much time with her as possible, but she didn't find much interest in anything anymore. She was no longer that bubbly cutie pie that I remember. She was a completely different person. She wouldn't eat anything or drink anything. She didn't watch TV or go outside. She stayed in bed all the time. Sometimes when my depression kicked in, I would lay in bed with her, and we'd cry together. Two depressed girls we were.
She started cutting herself. She thought I was completely clueless of it, but I knew. I just knew that if I confronted her, she wouldn't trust me as much. Instead, I did everything I possibly could to be there for her and try to take her mind off of everything.
I asked Mother if she could take us out somewhere to distract us from our fucked-up lives, and she took us to Lake Ladora.
Gabby told me she had never been to Lake Ladora before, so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to take a break from reality.
     We sat in silence for a minute. Then the wind started to blow. Gabby took in all of it and blew it out as if she was letting all of the negative energy escape from her soul. I was looking at her the whole time. It was the first time she actually seemed ok. Nothing was bothering her. She was ok. She then looked at me.
     "Jayda?" She asks.
     "Yea?" I respond.
     "I have to tell you something. It's very important." She said.
     "You can tell me anything, Gabby." I said.
     She looks away for a second as if she's contemplating on actually telling me. She then takes a deep breath and says, "I'm a lesbian."
     I look directly at her in shock. I would've never known she was a lesbian. I mean it's not that I didn't accept her. I absolutely did. It was the fact that I come from a Christian family. What are Mother and Father going to think?
"Wow, Gabby," I said, "I mean, that's great. Thank you for trusting me!"
     "You're my sister," she said, "and I love you."
     I gave her a big hug and I said, "I love you too."

     When we got home, Gabby wanted to come out to my parents, well, our parents. She didn't care that my family was religious. She knew that it didn't matter what her sexuality was. She's still Gabby. She's still human, and nothing changes that. I was still nervous for her though.
     We all sat down at the kitchen table. Charles was there as well because she wanted to come out to him as well as she trusts him a lot too.
     She took a deep breath before speaking. "There's something I wanna share with you. I know what your beliefs are, so I know how you may feel before I even say anything, but this is something that I just can't keep to myself anymore."
     Mother and Father looked very confused as they had no idea what she was about to say.
     "I'm... a lesbian."
There was silence. Charles was shocked, but then he smiled. "Good for you, Gab, whatever makes you happy," he said. That made her smile.
Father and Mother didn't look too stoked about it though. Mother immediately asked, "why?"
I swallowed a big lump in my throat that I didn't even know was there. I felt so worried for Gabby. However, Gabby did respond.
"Well, umm, I spent most of my life in agony because of a man. I don't think I can ever have children by a man because if I ever have to be sexual with a man again, it's only going to remind me of every disgusting memory I have of Brady, and I just... don't want that. I look at women, and I just see beauty. A beautiful creature, and I just know that's who I wanna spend my life with." She said confidently.
I smiled at her. I was happy that she felt comfortable with her true self. She didn't have to hide it anymore, and I was proud of her. Mother and Father on the other hand.... not so much.
"Oh honey, I know that these types of things can be confusing for you children, but you'll understand the truth. Once you grow out of this phase, you'll understand better," Mother said.
Gabby's expression completely changed. She felt sad but also angry. "No... this... this isn't a phase I-I'm not confused; this is who I am." Gabby said sternly.
     "No, you're not," Father said, "you're a child, you don't understand that type of stuff yet. When you're older, you'll understand. You don't understand right now, and that's ok."
     Gabby started tearing up and she ran upstairs where I followed behind her. "Gabby wait!" I said.
Gabby ran all the way up to the bedroom and slammed the door behind her. When I reach the bedroom door, I opened it only to see she slammed the bathroom door. I went to open it, but she locked it. I knocked and knocked on the door calling her name several times. "Gabby, please, just open the door. We can talk."
"I don't wanna talk anymore, I don't wanna do anything anymore!" Gabby yelled.
"C'mon, Gabby, please, let me be there for you." I said.
"Please, I just wanna be alone right now." Gabby said.
I decided to just leave her be. She'll come back out when she's ready. So, I went back downstairs where Charles and my parents were. I could overhear Charles arguing with them, so I ran the rest of the way.
"I mean seriously?? After everything she's been through, the one time she decides to trust you, this is how you treat her. Are you actually serious?!" Charles was yelling.
"We are well aware of what she's been through, but that doesn't mean she can go against the Bible." Father said.
"You don't know shit about what she's been through!" Charles yelled.
"Charles, stop!" I intervened.
"Get out of my house, now!" Father yelled.
"Father, please!" I yelled.
"I said now!" He yelled again.
Charles immediately walked out the door without saying another word. He didn't say goodbye or anything. He just left. I wanted to cry. Everything was just not going right. Absolutely nothing.

Gabby had been in the bathroom for over an hour. I kept knocking on the door, but she never answered me. I ran downstairs to warn Mother and Father. They ran upstairs with me. Father started to try and open the door forcefully. Who knew after busting through the door the first time and repairing it, here we are again. I was so scared, I thought she was dead in there. Father finally busted the door open, and what I saw was horrific. Gabby was lying in the floor with blood bleeding out of both of her arms. I dropped to my knees while tears filled my eyes. Father yelled at Mother to call an ambulance. She ran out of the room to get the phone. I got up off my knees and ran to Gabby. I tried to wake her up, but she wasn't waking up. I was shaking her by the shoulders screaming her name.
"Gabby! Gabby, please wake up, don't die, please, Gabby!" I yelled while continuing to shake her. Father said he was going to get something to stop the bleeding, and he ran downstairs as well. Then, it was just me. I didn't know what to do. Gosh, it reminded me of when Charles found me. It was the exact same scenario. I guess I can imagine how he felt finding me the way he did. The fear he must've felt thinking I was gone. I understand it now, and I understand why Gabby did this. After everything she's been through, it was only a matter of time before her walls came crumbling down. When I first met her, I would've never known that she lived such a life. She hid every inch of sadness, every corner of agony. Every frown was covered by a fake smile. Her dark emotions were layered with her bright clothing, and I understood. We became best friends because we understood each other. We became sisters because we knew each other. Our emotions were shared with each other. Every sad story was laughed at by each other. We were one.

Later at the hospital, we were all waiting in the waiting room. I had called Charles and told him what happened. He met us there. When he saw me, he immediately asked how she was doing. Truth is we'd been waiting for so long, and nobody had come out yet to give us any updates. So, Charles sat down and waited with us. We waited for three hours before a doctor came out.
     "Family of Gabrielle Hernandez!" He announced.
All of us stood up at the same time. Charles ran to the doctor before anybody else could.
     "Is she okay?" Charles asked in a shaky voice.
     The doctor responds, "As of right now, she is okay," which had us all breathing normally again, but he continues, "however, due to the fact that she has lost a significant amount of blood, she is at a high risk for organ failure, but we are doing everything we can to help her heal from this."
     Charles sighed, "Thank you, doctor."
Charles came back over to us with his head down. He grabbed my hands and sat back down with me. I could tell he began to cry. I lifted up his head making him look in my eyes.
"Everything's gonna be okay, Charles." I reassured him.
He shook his head, "I just wish I knew everything. If only I was there for her more often, she wouldn't- she-" he started choking up, so I rested his head on my chest. I tried to be strong for Charles, but I couldn't help but cry too.
Mother sat closer to me and said in a low whisper, "Why don't you guys go and see her while we wait out here."
Charles nodded his head and got up. He grabbed my hand pulling me with him, and we headed back to see how she was doing.
When we entered her room, it was very quiet and most of the lights were off. She was still asleep, so we wanted to be quiet as well. We tiptoed to the other side of the room and sat down on the wide chair by the window which also had the curtains shut even though it was dark outside. I looked at Gabby's condition. The cuts on her arms had been stitched up and cleaned. She looked a bit pale. At least when she's asleep, she's not in any pain. She's not on the verge of crying her eyes out. She looked peaceful. I prayed so hard that one day she would find peace. Hopefully, she could live her life freely without a care in the world, live wherever she wanted to with whoever she wanted to.
     I prayed for her so hard. I was squeezing Charles' hand without realizing it. He looked at me, and I looked at him. Realizing I was kind of hurting him, I let go.
     He gave me a kiss on the forehead while rubbing my back. That's all it really took to calm me down. We sat there in silence for the longest time, and without realizing it, we fell asleep.