Some Things Just Can't Be Forgotten

Part 9 (Trigger Warning)

As soon as Sam left, Rebecca dropped to the floor crying. 'Ugghh why am I so weak!' She thought. She took a deep breath to try and settle a bit and she got up and headed to her hunting bag. Bec felt around the bag and her vision clouded with tears that she wouldn't let fall. Finally something pricked her finger, knowing that she found what she was after, Becca sighed in relief. She pulled out a brand new dagger and went and sat on her bed after locking her door.

Rebecca sat there staring at the sharp object, then at her scar-free arm, wondering if she really wanted to do this again, she had been clean for 2 years, it would be hard for her to be clean another 2 years after she did this. It was hard enough already. Eventually Bec decided against it and went to shower. But after seeing her reflection in the mirror, all the scars and faint bruises on her body, she ran back down the hall into her bedroom, locked the door, grabbed the dagger and slid it across the skin on her forearm before getting a chance to really think. The feeling of blood trickling down her arm made her sigh in satisfaction. Bec looked at her arm and felt relief, guilt, fear, content, sadness and shock. All these emotions going through her head made her decide to block them out. She'd do this but she wouldn't dwell on why. The first cut was made, no going back now. Rebecca put a towel down on her bed so she wouldn't stain the sheets. If she was going to relapse, she was going to do it well. She gripped the dagger tight and pulled up her shorts. She placed a sharp side gently on her left thigh then started to press down, with more and more pressure she could already feel it piercing the skin. Becca wiggled the dagger until it was imbedded in her skin a good millimeter. Blood already pooled against the daggers edge. Slowly Bec sliced across her skin until a cut 2 inches long was left behind. She hissed in pain but felt euphoric. The blood was quick to start leaking down her leg. She copied this 4 more times on her left thigh and 3 times on her right. Becca lost a lot of blood but kept going. Why stop now? Bec moved on to her bicep and made 8 deep gashes there. She liked how she could see her open flesh for a second before blood filled it. Starting to feel quite lightheaded, Bec figured she should stop. These all needed stitches but she couldn't be bothered. She was tired and sore and emotionally drained. Becca did make a big mess though so she wrapped her arm in the bloody towel and headed for the bathroom. The bleeding on her thighs slowed enough for her to walk but she had to get there quick.
She knew Sam would be asleep and figured Dean would be too. So Becca treaded towards the bathroom thoughtlessly and rounded a corner only to hit something and fall down.
"Ahhhh" Bec hissed in pain because as she tried to soften her fall, she moved her arm and legs too quickly and pulled her wounds open even more. She sat there with her eyes closed trying to compose herself to lessen the pain, unaware of what she'd hit. That is until she heard...

"Shit! Becca what the fuck happened!?" Her eyes shot open and saw feet, she followed the legs up to see Dean standing in front of her frozen.
"Shit" Bec dropped her head. Deans instincts kicked in and he rushed forward to help her up. Becca saw him move quickly towards her and she panicked and jumped back, causing her to cry out in pain.
"Fuck I'm sorry, uhhh wh-what happened?" Dean stopped trying to figure out what to do. Becca refused to look at him, she just pathetically attempted to get up. Dean stepped forward slowly trying not to startle her again.
"Here, uh please, let me help" Dean bent down to her level and held his hand out for her but she dismissed it and tried getting up herself. Bec managed to get to her knees but once she put weight on her feet she started falling again. Dean caught her just in time and helped her to her feet, much to Becs dismay. Once Rebecca was on her feet Dean immediately let go but that caused her to sway so she latched onto his arms, smearing blood on his forearms. Surprisingly Becca wasn't worried about the fact she was latching on to her ex-demon boyfriend, but that she'd just got her own blood from self inflicted wounds on her boyfriend who wasn't supposed to see this.
Dean knew what had happened, he didn't need to ask but he didn't know how he could help.
"Becs, we need to get this cleaned up, I'll go get Sam for you"
"No! No, don't wake Sam... he needs sleep. I'll sort this out myself" Bec started to take her weight off Dean but her legs began to tremble so Dean grabbed her this time and startled Becca a bit but at least stopped her from falling.
"Mmm no, you cannot sort this out yourself. I will go get Sam, or, I could help you?" Rebecca took a deep breath in.
"Fuck it" she exclaimed.
"Help me to the bathroom" She hadn't looked up at Dean the whole time, and she wouldn't until she was cleaned up. Because if she did, that would be asking for memories.