When You're Tired, Rest With Me

51

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T.W: anxiety

Note: I wrote this in Rhealle's point of view since this is based from a personal experience and it is very hard to describe the exact feelings and thoughts at that moment. Please do read this with caution. Do not use any of the details to self-diagnose. Seek professional help if you must. Remember that you are worth it and that your burden and struggles do not define you.

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We're overworked.

We're merely just students who have dreams to fulfill but why does have to reach point where you'd have to sacrifice your friend, family, and alone time just so you can finish a task you would not think about for the next 10 years? Why does it have to reach a point where all you think is about is the number your teacher would put on your paper?

I know that reaching your greatest ambitions in life is a long process and it requires dedication and effort but shouldn't education be nurturing instead of draining? A tool that would motivate individuals to follow their dreams in life. Why does it have to reach a point wherein we no longer cannot move and go forward because we're too tired?

I thought I have an individualistic experience regarding this matter, na ako lang yung dahilan bakit ganito ako kapagod. Masyado ko pinipilit yung sarili ko to have the best output out there. Until, I've seen someone who suddenly cannot feel herself because of the same reason.

"Elli?" I called outside the bathroom kasi medyo matagal na siyang nasa loob. She told me that she would just go to the bathroom but she doesn't look like herself and cannot at me in the eye. Before that, she was counting again to five for a reason I have no clue about.

"Mommy, please answer the phone," I heard a familiar voice inside.

The phone kept ringing but no one was responding. I tried calling Elli again.

"Elli, are you there? Are you okay?"

She didn't respond but instead, she kept on waiting.

"Mommy, please."

I didn't know what to do. I just waited because I don't know if barging inside would help her calm down.

"Hey, Elli. I'm just here, okay? If you need any help. I'm here," I reminded her.

Suddenly, the door opened. It was Elli but her eyes were crying and she still cannot look at me in the eye. She is looking everywhere as if she was in a new place or she wasn't here.

"Hey," I told her softly while gently cupping her face so she could look at me. When she did, she started to cry even more. I, then, noticed how pale and cold her face was.

"Rhealle, I feel like I'm going to pass out," Elli said as if she was put of breathe.

"Elli, remember to breathe."

I escorted out of the comfort room and seated her in a chair. The people inside the cafe started throwing glances at us because Elli was hyperventilating.

"My chest hurts...so bad na parang may tumutusok...and...um...parang nanghihina yung katawan ko....then...umm...Nanginig na rin kasi yung legs ko nun. Di ko alam gagawin ko...Then, suddenly as if I were so aware of everything, I felt like everything is moving and it was horrible...I just..."

She was rambling non-stop so I held her hands.

"Elli, I need you to breathe. I'm here, alright? Follow what I say. Breathe in. Breathe out. Do it slowly."

She started following my instructions but she was still struggling so we did it for a few minutes.

"Do you feel any better? Does your chest still hurt?" she nodded.

"Ok, I need you to tell me five things that you see right here. It could be a coffee on the table or anything," I instructed.

She started to look around her surroundings.

"I see the barista na nagtitimple ng kape. Yung chandelier rin sa taas...um.."

Elli was still struggling so I assured her.

"I'm here. You can do it. What else?"

"There's spilled coffee on the floor. Also, may big picture of London na nakadikit sa wall and...umm...ikaw," she told me which left me off-guard but it was not the time to do so.

When she accomplished it, I said the next step.

"Now, I need you to tell me four things you can touch around you."

She followed my instructions once again. After that, I told her to name three things that she can hear, then down to two things she can smell. Lastly, I asked her to name one thing she can taste.

"I can still taste the sandwich I ate earlier," Elli responded.

"Ok, do you feel better?" I asked again.

She started crying again.

"I'm so tired."

Elli moved her head down and tried to hide the muffled cries that she produced.

"Let's rest, ok? Wag mo pigilang umiyak. Mas sasakit dibdib mo."

We spent a few minutes in silence. This time, she doesn't look like the Elli who would reassure that she's okay. She's scared and kept it all to herself, creating this facade that she is okay when she is not.

"How did you know how to do that? The 5-4-3-2-1 thing?"

"I attended a mental health first aid training last year. It's called the 5-4-3-2-1 Coping Technique. You need think of 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste," I answered.

The technique didn't stop her from crying so I pat on her back and held her hand. I started to talk about the things that happened to me this day so her attention would be diverted. I hope it helped even just for a little bit.