The Agent's Temptation

16. My Friend JJ

You didn't want to be at the station anymore.
No one had said anything to you about what had happened earlier, and you knew that they probably hadn't even noticed. But you still felt eyes on you. So you took your bag and told the officer at the front desk to let the FBI know you were going back to the hotel.

You were down the street and just about to turn the corner when you heard your name being shouted behind you. "Y/N, wait!" You turn and see agent Jareau running your way, her blonde ponytail flying in the wind.
"I'm gong to escort you back to the hotel. That's where you're headed to correct?"
"Yes but I'm fine! It's not far."
She gave you a small smile. "You shouldn't be alone, it's better to be safe. Especially since we don't exactly know why you were let go."
You sigh, knowing she's right. Ginny let you go, but you don't know why. Was she told to? Did she do it herself? Were they looking for you?

"Plus, it's always better to have someone with you. For moral support." She added.
You slightly nodded. The last thing you wanted was company; you just wanted to be alone. The morning had been exhausting. And your conversation with Agent Prentiss made you realize that you had a lot to process, on your own.
"I promise I won't intrude," Agent Jareau assured you, "I'm just here to make sure you're safe."
"Okay."

You both walk silently to the hotel which was about a 20 minute walk from the station. It wasn't an elegant building, but it was comfortable and very Mountain-y. It looked like a typical mountain hotel.
It was 5 floors and surrounded by trees in the back and a large parking lot in the front. It overlooked the small downtown of Estes Park with its large windows.
Maroon curtains draped the windows and the lobby was grand with painting and sculptures of bears and mountain lions.

"You guys take hunting seriously here," Agent Jareau joked.
You laughed. "Not me, but others definitely yes."
Afterwards you both make your way up to the third floor where you were staying. Your room is halfway down the hall which was surrounded by the agents' rooms. Agent Rossi was the first room across the hall ,Reid in the middle, followed by Jareau right across from you, Morgan at the end and then across from them all was you and you were in between Agent Prentiss and Hotchner.

You glance at his door as you walk by, hoping that Agent Jareau didn't notice but she did.
"Has he been harsh on you?" She asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Hotch can be...a bit intense. But he's good at his job."
You nod and answer dryly as you begin to open your door. "Yes, I am sure his is."
"Y/N."
You turn back around and Agent Jareau is giving you a sad smile, but her blue eyes are wide. "We're going to get through this. You'll be safe."

You feel tears in your eyes. You had been told this hundreds of times but you couldn't help but still feel fear in your heart. There was no way you could ever feel safe again. But you only nod, not having the energy to argue, especially because she meant well.

"Can I ask you something?" She asks again before you open the door.
"Sure."
"You mentioned this Adam person to have brought up a traumatic memory from your past. It's what he used against you right?"
You grit your teeth and nod.
"How do you think he came to know that? Did you have someone you told this to who he could have reached?"

You furrow your eyebrows, "no Agent, I never told anyone."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive, I've kept that to myself for years."
"That must be exhausting," she said frowning. "And he got away with it?"
You feel a lump in your throat, it had been exhausting. "Yes, he did. And I wish I would have said something but I was too scared. I felt so alone afterwards. Like I had insects crawling under my skin."

You don't realize it but you're crying now and gripping onto the doorknob for support. Memories of not just that fearful college night but also of your recent humiliation come back to you. It was all piling on top of eachother. It was too much.

"It wasn't your fault," Agent Jareau said in a soft voice. "Whatever happened, whoever it was, it was not your fault."
You chuckle, "I know. And yet, I carry the shame of it as if it was."
"Victims usually do." She says when you open the door. "It's hard to pin the blame on the person who hurt you because no one else does. So you flip it onto yourself."

Your breathing is ragged now as she explains your life. You knew that no matter who you told they'd blame you, they'd question you and not him. That's why you never said anything. Except for...
"Agent Jareau," you call out, turning before she could leave.
"Yes?"
"I did tell someone. About that night."
Her eyebrows rose. "Who?"
"Umm, my ex boyfriend.."
"The one who you have a restraining order on?"
You blush. "Yes. Him."

Agent Jareau nodded. "What does he know?"
"Everything."
"And what did he do?"
You laugh, shaking your head. "If I tell you does he run the risk of getting arrested?"
The agent smiled softly and she gestured inside your room. You nodded, allowing her to enter.
"No promises Y/N," she said with a sweet sigh. "But any and all information regarding the people in your life is crucial right now."

"Can I shower first?" You ask. "I need to...be clean before I talk about this."
She nods. "Of course. I'll step out and let Hotch know that I'll be here for a while."
"Agent Hotchner will know?" You ask, concern filling your chest. "About all of this?"
"Yes." She responded with a nod but her brows furrowed a bit. "Why?"

You shake your head and make way to the bathroom. There was no good reason you could share with her. You just hoped Agent Hotchner wouldn't judge you for what happened.