Escape Velocity

Chapter Two

Gram's gray caterpillar brows drew together as she eyed the closed laptop on the kitchen table. "Your mom and dad will be calling soon for your last video chat. Their flight leaves New Zealand tomorrow. Do I need to remind you that once they're at McMurdo, you'll only have email?"

Maybe I'd try one more time to talk my way out of Parallax. Or maybe not. My mom would struggle, but not quite manage, to hide her irritation, and I wouldn't know how to respond. Then there'd be an argument, like always. All I knew was, if I didn't go, I couldn't get hurt. Not like the other times.

The more I wanted something, and the harder I worked, the more certain my dreams would shatter, sometimes spectacularly in one piercing explosion. More often, they broke into a million pieces, one slow shard at a time. The Fates kept a detailed file on me, and whenever I sidled up to success, they'd find a way to jinx me. Even with small things, not just mega life-changing stuff like the NASA program.

Gram stared at me, waiting through my silence. "They'll want to know you've been accepted into Parallax," she said.

"Yeah, sure." I could see her frustration, but it was impossible to explain how I'd reached this point. How my guidance counselor said I didn't "collaborate well with my peers." How the other students made fun of me when I announced on Career Day that I planned to be an engineer and that I would be going to Mars. How a note 'Voted Most Likely to be an Alien' was taped to my locker the next morning.

I'd never tell anyone how the other kids joked that I wanted to be a boy, even though it wasn't true at all. Not that I cared who else might want to be a boy or not. That wasn't the issue. Being a prisoner of the shoulds of being a girl was the issue. Gram would mean well and offer to help me with makeup and picking out dresses. She wouldn't understand I had no interest in any of that. I wanted to be me without a label. A me that just happened to be a girl just as I was.

And no way I could mention that Parallax solved the inconvenience of Me for my parents, especially my mom. To her, I was a piece of unclaimed luggage rolling around the baggage carousel after all the passengers were gone, a nuisance to be dealt with before they could move on with their lives. Yeah, I was smart enough to keep that to myself. I loved Gram, but she worshipped my mom, her "perfect daughter-in-law."

Gram said, "You know, when I was your age, women weren't even allowed to be astronauts. And what happened with your mom, well, that's a separate subject."

A subject we never talked about. It was better not to pursue any of this. I'd learned that nobody really wanted to know every time I was wounded. People expected me to take the emotional hit and move on.

Gram patted my arm. "Have some banana bread while it's warm. With lots of butter. I know you like butter."

Yep, time to move on.

As I took the knife from Gram, the smile fell off her face and I turned to see Gramp leaning against the wall. He moaned and stared with vacant eyes.

"Gramp! What's wrong?"

He reacted to the sound of my voice by looking at me, but he showed no recognition.

Gram got him into a chair while I called 911.

Gram asked, "Can you tell me your name?"

A rush of relief washed through me when he answered immediately, "Steve Gilson."

Gram said, "That's good." She pointed to me and asked him, "Who's this?"

Gramp shook his head. He reached out a trembling hand. "Hannah. Help me."

No. Not now. Not when I didn't get to say goodbye.

I heard the sirens and imagined them heading somewhere else. To someone else's disaster. When I started crying, Gram hugged me. "He'll come back to us. He'll remember you. He promised to keep fighting. We should trust him."