Escape Velocity

Chapter Twenty

Wearing a loopy half-smile, Christina poked her head into the library. "Knock, knock."

"Why aren't you out shooting at targets?" I asked. When everyone else went to the archery class, I was researching ways to enhance FetchBot's shapeshifting technology—MIT had done some interesting stuff. While they all played Katniss, I'd have a few hours to play engineer.

This interruption from Christina might ruin my schedule, but I missed talking to her. She wasn't actively unfriendly, but she hadn't been as open as she used to be. When I saw her at the door, I hoped she'd stay.

Who are you? What have you done with Savanna?

Christina said, "I snuck out when the instructor started talking about hunting. I'd rather not know about where my dinner comes from."

I said, "Me neither. We don't eat much meat at home. My mom was a vegetarian when she was younger and never started eating beef or pork again. She never cooks it."

"I'd miss both, but I can't think about them being animals once upon a time." Another half-smile.

"Speaking of food, let's grab a snack from the café. I could use a break."

Christina patted her stomach. "How about a walk instead? I've been eating a lot lately."

"You've been hanging around Kate too much."

The unspoken question in Christina's scrunched eyebrows confirmed she didn't know. Despite my earlier threat, I wouldn't be the one to tell her or anyone else beyond Melisse for that matter. Kate's eating disorder was her business. It wasn't my job to save Kate. But I had to say something to Christina. "You're fine. Don't risk being too thin."

Christina gnawed on the inside of her lip before saying, "I've started to fantasize about taking risks."

"Really?"

"One time, I stood outside a tattoo parlor for an hour. I wanted a dragonfly tattoo so badly. But I couldn't do it. Too permanent. I can't even have a haircut without worrying I'll regret it."

I laughed and said, "Let's take that walk. Risky enough for you?"

Christina said, "It is if we walk by the front desk. To see if Ben's there. Oh, gosh. I can't believe I said that." Pressing her hands to her cheeks, she shook her head several times. The glow crept up her neck until even her ears were practically neon red.

"Ah. Ben."

"What's that mean, 'Ah. Ben'?"

"It means that he's the kind of risk you might need practice with. To make sure if you fall, it's not that far down." If she could not protect herself from being hurt, I was the go-to person for help. I had all the necessary background in packaging myself in bubble wrap.

"I know you, everyone, sees me as a chicken. But deep down I don't have that view of myself. Don't you ever see a gap between how you see yourself and how the world sees you?"

Christina asked her question as we passed through the lobby, Ben nowhere in sight, drawing me toward a discussion that poked at the wound that was Lucy and Kate. Would this be the time it wouldn't tear open? Christina was friendly, but was she a friend? And Melisse too. What about her?

"I guess so. Or not. I don't know how everybody else sees me. Sometimes." I stopped for a moment. "Sometimes, I don't know if anyone sees me at all."

Christina was silent as we walked. I imagined she was working on a way out of the conversation that had taken a direction neither of us expected.

Her voice gentle, she said, "That's because you won't allow it. Melisse and I have talked about trying to be your friend, but you're defensive, even when it comes to our Parallax work."