Heartstrings on the Blue Line - Quinn Hughes

chapter thirty five: waking up dreaming

"𝕊𝕠 𝕀'𝕝𝕝 𝕨𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕤 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕀 𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕨𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕝𝕖𝕖𝕡."

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Quinn

It had been months since I had seen Gen. Sometimes when I thought about that fact, it made me happy. Sometimes it made me angry and sad.

I know I ghosted her after the lake house, but.. I just didn't know what to say to her after that. It was so awkward.

I wonder what my reaction would be if I saw her now. I think my heart would still jump out of my chest. I think if she walked in the room, I'd still get nervous. If she sat beside me on this couch, butterflies would come alive in my stomach.

Those feelings would never go away. I can never forget the feeling of happiness when I would hold her in my arms. She nestled her neck in the crook of my shoulder, and my life felt complete.

Now not so much.

Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend. She's beautiful, she cares a lot about me, I just don't know. Something feels off. It's also been months since we first got together.

There will always be a small hole in my heart. I get it but do not at the same time. What did she mean when she kept saying "it's for the best." Or "I don't have anything here for me.". I'm here. I'm fucking here. I just wish she would see that.

She probably has a boyfriend, a handsome looking guy taking care of her. I'm sure of it. I mean if she can leave that easily at least.

I know Jack has stayed in contact with her, they text a lot. It makes me jealous sometimes, but I know I could've had that. Had I not been stupid that night, I could've had that. She would've stayed in Vancouver. She would be in my arms right now.

I had also heard from TSN since I follow them on Instagram that Gen's dad had gotten a job for th leafs. He was a trainer. Maybe she goes to leafs games. Maybe she's in love with Auston Matthews.

"Quinn?" Olivia calls my name as she walks in the front door.

"Hey." I reply. She walks over and pecks me on the lips and walks away to the bedroom.

She doesn't live with me yet, but she hangs around because her job is close to my apartment. She always comes home after work and then leaves later in the night.

I sigh out of boredom and decide to pull out Instagram. Literally going to get my feelings hurt with what I'm about to do.

My fingers type her name in the search bar, I wanted to see what was up with her. Was she miserable too?

You aren't miserable, you have hockey, you have Olivia.

I saw that she posted about her new job, and how she wasn't enjoying it. I couldn't help but like it. I thought about texting her and asking her how she was doing. I stayed away from those intrusive thoughts though. I had to do that for my own good. She needs to move on and so do I.

Hypocrite. You can't even hear her name without going into a mental spiral

I feel lonely either way. I miss hanging out with Gen. Nothing feels the same.