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Everything I've done these last four years has led up to this. I pushed past barriers. Broke down high walls. Made some mistakes but now, I'm barely twenty-six and have the number one book podcast in the world, all because I wanted to know the true story behind 'The Sluts Guide' series.

The moment I realized no one dared speak the real Honor Catmire's name, I knew there was more to this story. I knew I had to find her. Speak to her. Get her side, but now that I have, why am I so afraid?

My ocher colored hands are clenched and shaking on my lap. My breathing is a little shallow while I open the backseat window and allow in the crisp salty scent of the Mediterranean sea as I ride in the back of a black car down a French winding road toward the Anouilh Chateaux.

Get it together Lilah, she's an heiress, not a serial killer. You've interviewed her brother, Owen, who is the author of your favorite books. Simone Ruiz, a freaking R&B Mega Star, that takes less interviews than Beyonce. Hugo award winner, Mila Reynolds, and Lucca Mendoza, who is just as much of the main character as Alexia Fairchild. Why is this the one that has you shaking in your adidas?

Several responses follow directly after the thought floats through my mind. Alexia is my white whale. My career took off because I made it my mission to find her. To learn how the main character in her brother's story, became a villain in the lives of everyone around her.

I don't know what comes after this. The series is finished. Alexia's soon-to-be ex-husband seems to not want to grant movie rights, and as shit as Damian was, he was as integral to the story as she is.

What will I have to talk about, when I'm done talking about the things that were left out of the book?

Why did I agree to fly to France for a conversation with the woman whose picture perfect life, I probably ruined.

Who am I kidding, I did ruin her life. I incited the internet sleuths. I told the world we wouldn't see Honor, Levi and Ethan on screen because of a Senator no one in their right mind likes.

I didn't realize it was because it was his wife's story. I didn't know that people would keep digging until they drew blood. I didn't want to out anyone. I just–

I should probably say sorry when I arrive. Opening my phone, and reading our brief emails, I realize I never told Alexia I'm sorry for how things happened.

I don't think it's something you can write in an email. But now I'm struggling to think of how to do it in person. Would that even be the professional thing to do?

Puffing out my apple cheeks I go through the notes I gathered about Alexia. I like to keep notes on all my subjects. It helps me compare and contrast who they are from how Owen wrote them while he was in recovery.

Alexia Fairchild was born and raised in the spotlight. She's a renowned artist, former child prodigy and accredited poet, but at thirty-three, is now mainly known as an heiress with ties to the magnetic men within her orbit.

Her grandfather was Bernard Anouilh. France's first Black president. Which is partly why Alexia's birth rocked the world.

The other reason was that her mother, famed artist Odette Anouilh, was said to be engaged to future King Richard when she traveled to the United States to study abroad. Months later she was married and with the child of a young, Black Marine line cook from Georgia. Alexia's father and namesake, Alexander Fairchild.

Alexandre Fairchild is a decorated Marine, TV personality, author, travel documentarian, philanthropist and though he did not graduate from Magnolia University, his scholarship program is credited for countless great names in the culinary world. Because of him, and the TV deal his family took to stay afloat when Owen and Alexia's fully deaf mother was temporarily disowned by her family, the first five years of Alexia's life were shared on the big screen.

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