Sweet Honour- Benedict Bridgerton

24. Pure Gold

(return to Victoria's POV)

The next few weeks were filled with meetings over tea with Lady Danbury, encouraging yet sometimes condescending letters from The Queen, fittings with Madame Delacroix and countless promenades with Will. Freedom from the cruxes of worry about Dr Mills came shortly after an edition of Lady Whistledown which denounced the doctor. It harshly accused him of fraud and his awards were revoked from him quickly, along with his license. At the end of the edition, a sentence mentioned Victoria. 

~ Our young diamond seems to have poised her wings and flown into society, where her feathers clearly shine against the sunlight in the sky. Fondest reader, let this be a lesson to you, there is no reason to hide your treasure, especially when a diamond like her can lie so gracefully and beautifully on the collarbone of the Ton. ~

Time had passed quickly, and Victoria had felt as though she had been whisked away into some other world. It had reached late May, and with one month left in the social season, Victoria only wanted to enjoy the freedom that she had, and the happiness that she had found with Will. 

It was a sweet relationship that they had formed. Victoria often thought of him like the sugar that melted into her bitter English breakfast tea. But something plagued her still, despite her newfound freedom. 

Nightmares came every evening, sometimes multiple in one night. The feverish dreams became so insufferable that not even Iris or Ada could calm her cold sweats, and no matter how many damp cloths her father brought and placed on her head she was still frantic, and when she did finally slip back into sleep it was filled with the same torment as before. However, as soon as her thoughts became understandable when morning came, the nightmares slipped from her quickly and she could not remember what happened in them for the life of her. She just knew how scared and alone she felt. 

Like clockwork, every morning, Will would arrive with a sugar biscuit and cup of tea and place it on Victoria's bedside table. He would wait for her to wake up, and when she did, he would kiss her hand. He made her tea and asked her if she could remember the dream this time, but she would shake her head. At that, he would nod and open Undine and read to her for a while until she was calm again. Will had actually taken up quite a margin of Victoria's life and she could tell in how his green eyes softened when he looked at her, at how he brushed her hair and braided it for her (like Iris had taught him to) before her baths in the morning, that he was enamoured by her. It was a shame, because when she looked back at him, she knew he was just a distraction.

The edition that praised Victoria had also mentioned the other debutantes and suitors.

~ True love blooms elsewhere, dear readers. Lady Evangeline Sanderson has accepted a proposal from Lord Giles Waters, who slipped a rather large amethyst onto her ring finger on her birthday. What a surprise! Benedict Bridgerton and Lady Maude Whitlock have also been spotted in rather close quarters assessing the art at Stafford House... Many thanks to my little birdies, remember dear reader, my eyes are everywhere. ~ 

The passing comment about Benedict in the same paragraph that featured true love made her skin itch. She kept the edition discreetly tucked underneath her facecloth in her bathroom, and had instructed Frances not to move the letter when changing the towels. When she bathed, she would reach for the edition and read it over and over again, tormenting herself. Maybe Maude Bridgerton does sound better than Victoria Bridgerton, oh and maybe Victoria Maywood sounds better as well, she would think to herself, maybe they looked at my painting while canoodling at Stafford House. Proving that the nightmarish feelings continued into her waking hours. 

Now, she huffed in her bath and tucked the edition away. 

"I am nothing but hopeless." Victoria said out loud before submerging herself fully in the water. She felt about as numb as an arm when laid on too long in an uncomfortable position. She had every material possession one could want as a result of other suitors gifting her things in hopes of winning her heart, Will would have laid out her garments on her bed with a few fresh daisies for her hair there too like he always did. So why wasn't she elated for she had been treated with such love and care?

Later in the day, Victoria held Ada's hand as they entered the patisserie nearby the tailor shop. Ada woke up with a sweet tooth, and Victoria was feeling generous. Victoria bought one raspberry tart for them to share and looked around for a table for them to sit at, but instead she spotted Lady Danbury sipping on tea by the window. 

"Ada," she leant down to her little sister, "to practice your social skills, greet Lady Danbury and ask her politely if we might be lucky enough to accompany her." Ada smiled up at her, walked cautiously to Lady Danbury and offered her one of her best curtsies. 

Ada must have been successful as Victoria watched Lady Danbury pat the seat next to her, to which Ada got very comfortable in. 

"Good afternoon Lady Danbury." Victoria said as she approached the pair. 

"Ah, my dear diamond Victoria, sit down." Lady Danbury replied. 

They talked for some time about the weather and life, they gossiped a little about the size of the amethyst on Lady Evangeline Sanderson's engagement ring and Ada added in a quip or two about the Featherington's orange dresses. 

Benedict walked by the patisserie with Maude's arm draped delicately around his, with a smile on his face as he strolled and Maude had her yellow parasol resting on her shoulder. Victoria watched intently and wondered about sending in a tip to Lady Whistledown about their close quarters again, but she resisted, for a diamond could not act irrationally. She could have sworn she had seen Benedict's smile falter as they made eye contact, but he continued his promenade and didn't look back. 

"Victoria." Lady Danbury snapped her back to reality. 

"Yes, my apologies, I was watching a butterfly fly past the window." Victoria chuckled nervously and Ada turned her head to try and find the butterfly. 

"Hmm." Lady Danbury narrowed her eyes at Victoria, as though she was attempting to read her mind. "Victoria, might you allow me to be honest with you?"

"Why, of course."

"Do not waste your life wanting and waiting. You are so, so fervently young with the beauty of a thousand stars. On that first day I walked with you toward her majesty The Queen, I knew that you had it in you to find happiness and love, to make me, your father, sisters and mother proud." She reached over the table, and gracefully took Victoria's hand into hers. "Dear girl, a diamond simply cannot be attached to a brass ring, it must be paired with that of pure gold."

Lady Danbury's words rang like a church bell in her mind all afternoon and evening, who was brass? Who was pure gold? While readying herself for bed, she bid everyone goodnight and slipped underneath her covers. She realised she had been slowly losing herself, trying to be the kind of woman that a man like Will could love and Benedict could move on from, trying to abide by the laws of society and present herself as shimmering and shining to the crowd. 

At last, she slipped into the relentless and endless nightmare of sleep again.