Behind the Spotlight

7

I pushed my way past Alyssa and made way to the dressing room they prepared for me. Tears filled my eyes and anger flowed through my veins. Why? Why would Amelia suddenly switch up on me? Was this personal for her? I knew Alyssa would be running after me, wanting to comfort me and tell me that I could leave at any moment, that I didn't owe anyone anything but I couldn't stand to listen to her speech right now. As I entered the dressing room the newfound silence surrounded me that offered me a break from the chaos that was my life. There wasn't a lot of consistency in my life but somehow I had always found myself alone in a dressing room, emotions running high with the betrayal and confusion lingering in the air. I sank onto the edge of the makeup table, my hands starting to tremble as I tried to process the whirlwind of emotions tearing through me.

Why? That's all I could think of. Why had Amelia, my longtime support and the only adult I could trust in this industry, had suddenly tried to tear me down? Had I unwittingly crossed some invisible boundary by speaking my truth? Maybe I was being dramatic, she was just doing her job. Perhaps I was being overemotional, my ex-husband was a subject close to my heart and a subject I thought no one would ever have to talk about. Questions swirled in my mind, each one more bewildering than the last as I tried to figure out my emotions. I heard footsteps approaching towards my dressing room. "I'm fine, don't bother." I spoke out, assuming it was Alyssa hot on my trail prepared with her comforting speech.

"I don't care if you're fine or not, doll." Amelia responded, hate filling her once loving pet name. Confused, I looked in the mirror to see a pissed off Amelia shutting the door behind her. Her tone was venomous but her actions were soft, as if she didn't want to alarm anyone that she was here. I opened my mouth to reply but she cut me off. "What makes you think you're so special that you can decide when you cut off the interview? Have you forgotten where you are? This is my show." It was as if a completely different person was in the room with me. The once living and trustworthy host was no longer in my vision, instead it was almost like I was on the set of Reality Rush fighting with Damien.

"I'm sorry?" Was all that could leave my mouth. I couldn't stand to fully face her, her words hit me like a punch to the gut. I had always respected Amelia, looked up to her even. But now, seeing her like this, it was like a betrayal I never saw coming. "You're coming on to my show, talking shit about my industry and now you're ruining a career that I had worked so hard to help you build." Her voice was laced with bitterness, emphasizing on all the work that she had allegedly done. Had she known this entire time? Did she know that Damien and the producers were terrible creeps who abused children for a living? Was she putting on a kind act for this interview for was she putting on an act for my entire career? Amelia's words hit me like a freight train, shattering any remaining illusions I had about our relationship. The bitterness in her voice, the accusation of me tarnishing her career-it all felt like a betrayal on top of a betrayal.

"I'm doing the right thing. I'm saving other girls from them." I spoke out, my voice barely above a whisper.

"You're not doing shit Aurora." Her voice spat at me.

"I'm helping young girls-" I replied, my voice cracking

"You're destroying an industry. Beloved child star speaks out about abuse that she faced on a show that made girls want to be famous and successful? Yeah parents aren't going to let them audition for shows after this. Which means Damien Blackwood and his team are out of a job. They have families, a successful career, a life they worked hard to build and you want to take that away from them? You want to take my career away from me as well? I worked with them. I supported you and your career. We basically made you. If you speak out we all go down. So if you want to help young girls. Get back out there. Talk about your stupid marriage and what a trainwreck it was and then announce a comeback album or something and that's the story we'll run." Her voice lingered in the air, the only other sound was the light humming of the air conditioner. Tears softly flowed down my face, I knew Amelia could see me crying but I tried to hide it the best I could. Being weak was the worst thing I could do right now. "You want to help? Be a fucking popstar Aurora." And with those words of supposed encouragement Amelia left the room, she knew she would be able to guilt me into doing what she wanted. She just wanted me to suffer for a little bit longer first.

I stopped my silent tears and let it flow into a heavy sob. I wanted to scream, to fight her. I wanted to scream at her for her callousness and indifference. How could she stand there and defend people who had caused so much pain and suffering? How could she prioritize their livelihoods over the well-being of countless young girls who could fall victim to the same abuses I had endured? I had no proof but a part of me knew that she had some idea of what was happening behind the scenes. Maybe not everything and maybe not with Reality Rush but she's dealt with this situation before. The old Amelia was dead to me. The once caring and fun talk show host I once knew was now a coldhearted monster who would rather get paid than to help someone.

A soft knock broke my train of thought, I wiped away my tears and tried to hide the blotchy redness in my face. "Hey, hey." Alyssa's comforting voice spoke out. I tried around and gave her a soft smile, I knew I wouldn't be able to hide my sadness from her. Her face dropped as a look of concern rushed over face. "What happened?" She asked, rushing over to wrap me into her arms. I found comfort in her arms and instantly melted like a child. I tried to speak but awkward squeaks and sobs came out instead. Alyssa shushed me softly and ran her fingers through my short blonde hair, soothing me the best she knew how to. "Amelia, she's, she's fucking awful." I gasped through my tears. Alyssa held me close, her comforting embrace a welcome respite from the storm raging inside me. As I buried my face against her shoulder, the floodgates of emotion opened anew, my tears flowing freely as I struggled to find the words to describe the depth of the pain and betrayal I was feeling. "What do you mean? I thought you liked her?" Alyssa's voice was filled with genuine confusion and concern as she held me close, her arms a comforting anchor in the midst of my emotional turmoil.

"I did. I thought she was one of the good ones but she told me to shut up about Damien and everything we faced. She doesn't want the truth, she wants a story she can sell that doesn't hurt her industry. I thought it was going so well. I thought she was going to air everything I said but it was just an act. She didn't want to look awful in front of her crew so she played along until I stuffed it up. She wants me to go back out there and talk about my failed marriage and release an album and play the perfect popstar image again." As I spoke, Alyssa listened intently, her grip on me tightening in solidarity and understanding. The weight of Amelia's betrayal hung heavy in the air, casting a shadow over the once vibrant and confident energy of the dressing room. "You don't have to go back out, you don't have to play that part anymore." Alyssa affirmed, her voice a soothing balm to my wounded spirit. I looked up at her, the cogs starting to turn in my brain. Alyssa's words had set a fire in my head. "You're right." I sniffled looking up at my friend. I looked into her green eyes and found solace in her unwavering support, that was something I had done millions of times throughout the years. " I don't have to but I will. I'll give her the story she wants but I need to do something first. Can you go out and tell Amelia that I just need like half an hour. Tell her I'm breaking for lunch and then I'll give her exactly what she wants ." My determination overcame my tears.

Alyssa nodded, her expression a mix of concern and admiration for my newfound determination. "Of course, Aurora," she replied, her voice filled with unwavering support. "I'll go talk to Amelia and buy you some time. Take all the time you need." She smiled softly at me. Gratitude swirled up inside me as I watched Alyssa leave the dressing room, her footsteps echoing softly in the silence that followed. With her support, I felt a surge of determination coursing through me, propelling me forward with newfound purpose. Alone in the dressing room, I took a deep breath and composed myself, wiping away the last of my tears. Despite the lingering ache of betrayal, a sense of clarity began to settle over me. I knew what I had to do. I knew I wasn't going to be able to tell my truth with Amelia but it still needed to get out in the world. I needed to be the one who pulled the trigger on this and with the new found determination and the rage that simmered within me I pulled out my phone, I was going to get my truth out.