Behind the Spotlight

8

"Just hear me out -" I pleaded

"I don't care Aurora. I'm not losing the star of my show." Damien snapped back.

This was a fight I found myself fighting constantly, nearly every day Damien and I stood in his trailer and we fought. We were half way through the second season of Reality Rush and I was Damien's newest sensation. His very own shining star. I was hot enough to grab a boy's attention but relatable enough that teenage girls didn't want to tear me to shreds, not to a lack of trying however. The media hailed me as the newest darling of America. America's sweetheart would be spread across magazine covers with my new perfect smile underneath. I embodied sass and youthfulness so I was deemed worthy of the screen time I was given, yet, I exuded a maturity and classiness that would make any mother proud to welcome me into her home, as if I was a prize her son had won at the arcade. I was grateful for everything that had happened to me; the parties, the money, the fame and the friends but the question of 'when will they get sick of me?' Lingered in my head. So I asked to be eliminated from the season. "People are going to get sick of me, if you shove me down their throats they'll puke me up eventually. Let me just sit the next half of the season out. I'll work on my next album and I can guarantee you it'll make you more money."

Damien's influence extended far beyond being the host of the show, he dictated every aspect of my career - my music, interviews and essentially my entire being. Damien Blackwood owned me. Yet, his control remained completely in the shadows. On the rare occasion Daimen would be honest with me, he would tell me he dreaded the scrutiny that would arise if his true role in my life was exposed. He feared the accusations of favoritism and scripted manipulation that could tank the show's ratings. Thus he operated in the shadows, pulling the strings in my life without anyone knowing it was him and yet he would be reaping the rewards publicly. While I couldn't stand the weight of Damien's influence, I found myself caught between conflicting emotions. On one hand, I craved the success he promised me and the validation that came not only from him but from the public as well. On the other, I longed for autonomy. To sculpt and build my career with my own hands rather than being a puppet dancing to Damien's tune. I could sense his anger and frustration everytime we had this talk.

Damien's nostrils flared with frustration as he stared me down, his gaze piercing through any flicker of defiance I could muster. I swallowed hard while trying to maintain eye contact with him."You don't understand, Aurora." He said, his voice dripping with exasperation. "You're no longer just some teenage girl who got lucky, you're not some random contestant on a reality show. You, Aurora, are a brand and brands don't take breaks." He kept eye contact with me the entire time he spoke, ensuring each word he spoke would break me down. I bit my lip trying to contain the rage building inside of me. The silence between us was deafening, Damien knew I would fight back and a part of me thought he enjoyed our daily fights. Sometimes our fights would end with empty threats of him leaving me for the dogs, some would end with a half hearted apology with promises to try and respect my wishes. Mainly it just ended with me giving up and accepting that this was my life.

As his gaze tore into mine, a fire ignited within me, burning away the shackles of fear and doubt that bound me to him. I straightened my spine, meeting his gaze with soft eyes. "You're right." I shrugged, my voice steady despite the uncertainty that lived within my bones. I knew those were his favorite words and were the only real way to get him to listen to me. "I am a brand, I am your perfect image. But I'm also a person. A person with needs and wants, I can't be a perfect product all of the time. I need time to breathe and grow and expand. I can be a bigger brand if you give me the time." I dug my nails into the palm of my hands as I spoke, trying my best to plea my case.

Damien's expression softened, a flicker of surprise crossing his features as a sense of relief spread through my body. Had I finally gotten through to him? Had I finally figured out how to get across to him? I returned a soft smile which was quickly wiped off of my face. Damien spat out a harsh laugh as his features became harsher than before. "Do you think you're fucking special or something?" He scoffed, bitterness covered his words. "Do you think you're the first girl who's asked me for this? Newsflash. You're not. There are a million girls out there who would kill to be in your position. They would follow my orders without thought." His words had a tendency to hang heavy in the air and suffocate me with their truth. The small flicker of hope that had warmed me was extinguished in an instant, the rare feeling was replaced by the familiar cold, gnawing emptiness that I had grown close to. I struggled to maintain my composure in the face of his relentless barrage, the bitterness and the hate in his voice cut through me like shards of glass. I had no idea that someone could be so callous, so indifferent to one's pleas for freedom.

"But Daimen -"

"But nothing."

I stood there, paralyzed by the realization that no matter how hard I fought, Damien would always hold the upper hand. His control over my life was absolute, his influence was suffocating any chance of independence I dared to grasp. I could feel the stinging sensation in the palm of my hands. I knew if I looked down I would see blood. I let out a sigh and moved my hands behind my back, I couldn't let Daimen see any signs of weakness. "Okay. I'm sorry. I'll stay and to make it up to you I'll make sure the next album is better. Album of the year here we come." I said with a trembling breath. As I forced the words past the lump in my throat, a bitter taste of defeat washed over me, coating my tongue with its acidic string. As much as the fake apologies hurt me I knew it was easier to just apologize and cry later. Damien's lips curled into a smirk, a knowing glint in his eyes as he watched my surrender with a satisfied smug. "That's more like it, Aurora." He said, his bitterness turning into condescension. "I knew you were a smart girl and would come to your senses."

I bit back a petty retort, swallowing my pride along with the bitter taste of betrayal that lingered on my tongue. It was a small price to pay for a smaller moment of peace. Damien circled me, as if he was an apex predator surveying his prey, his gaze cold and calculating.He stood behind me and my entire body instantly tensed up. He placed a cold hand on my shoulder as I stared ahead, trying to ignore his menacing presence. "Remember, Aurora," he said, his voice low and menacing. "You belong to me. Your success, your fame, your very existence—all of it is because of me. Don't ever forget that. You'll have time to grow or whatever the fuck you were on about earlier. But right now, you are my star. So shine." His words were sharp and precise. He knew how he made me feel and I feared he enjoyed the power. I nodded, a lump forming in my throat as I fought to keep my emotions in check. "Besides, you owe me. God forbid your little relationship scandal last season gets out to the public."

I felt my entire body go cold, I was on the verge of throwing up and collapsing as soon as he brought up his empty threat. He knew exactly which buttons to push, how to keep me under his thumb with the threat of exposure looming over my head like a dark cloud. "Yes sir." I muttered, keeping my breathing under control. I hated myself for giving in to Damien's manipulative tactics and for allowing him to hold this power over me with the mere mention of my past mistakes. Mistakes that I was sure the producers had set up for me. Damien's smirk widened, a glint of triumph shining in his eyes as he watched my capitulation with smug satisfaction. "I have to give it to you, you're brave Aurora." His patronizing tone spoke, his grip tightening on my shoulder. I fought back tears as this adult took pride in his power over me.

"I'm going to go now." I muttered, shrugging his grip off of me. I headed towards the door of the trailer and for some unknown I looked over my shoulder towards Damien. Standing in his well pressed suit, his short jet black hair slicked back. On the outside everything about him was perfect and presentable but I knew the sick truth about him. "I hope we don't have this fight again." He spoke, his voice low and serious. I nodded my head and left his immaculate trailer.