Semi edited </3
Smith
After my drunken confessions and small dispute with Diego, I've been avoiding everyone.
That Saturday morning, I left Diego's right after lunch, which I purged out in a bag inside my car. When I got home, I let my boyfriend know I had arrived but that's all. We didn't text much for the remainder of the day. Well, moreover, I didn't text him.
He knows I'm not getting better, and I much rather dismiss the topic. Because the part of me that wanted to get better has been fading away.
For the rest of the week, I hide in my room. I don't leave to eat unless it's dinner, which I purge. Dozens of documentaries occupy my attention, drawing me from reality. I don't answer any texts messages. I don't even check my notifications, to be honest. I just keep to myself and distance my mind from the world.
Everything around me feels too cruel to acknowledge. Whenever I'm not distract, my brain wanders to a dark place. It begins to scream at me for every mistake I've made and convinces me that I need to die. Dying doesn't seem like a bad idea, because I wouldn't have to deal with a single worry ever again.
Once the weekend rolls around, I decide to make plans with Tate and Justin. It takes me forever to pull myself out of bed and shower. But gosh, I loved that boiling hot shower. Feeling the scalding water is the realest thing I've felt in days.
"How are things with Diego?"
Diego. Gosh, when was the last I've talked to him? I texted him briefly this morning, I think. I'm not too sure. All my days are blurring together and I've wasted my entire spring break in bed. "Fine."
Tate chimes in to ask, "Have you two fucked yet?"
I haven't heard his voice in nearly a week, so no, we most definitely have not touched. "No."
"Damn, what?"
Is it weird that we haven't had sex yet? We've done everything else but full sex, so we're not too far behind. Is there some type of unspoken rule where we are supposed to have sex within a certain amount of time after dating? "We've only been dating for a few weeks."
"Yeah, but y'all have been together for like, 3 months."
I don't want to think about this. I don't want to think about Diego. I don't want to think about anything. "I dunno man. We just haven't yet."
Tate pauses the video game, turning his attention to me. "Why are you all pissy?'
Am I pissy? I feel pissed. I'm so angry with everything and everyone, and I'm not sure why. I don't know where this rage came from or why it's being surfaced. My brain foginess has made everything so irritating. "I'm not."
The blonde doesn't reply. Instead, he finished up his match before announcing, "I'm taking a shower."
Justin huffs at his boyfriend, "Why do you wait to shower here?"
"You have that body wash that smells like rainbows and happiness."
And with that, Tate grabs some clothes and leaves. The moment the door shuts, Justin looks at me."What's going on?"
