Masochism Tango | Alastor & Lucifer & Vox

chapter 15

You had been thinking about Lucifer a lot lately.

Days at the palace had been dull, and you found yourself often consumed in your studies and swamped with meetings when you weren't sleeping, and Lucifer the same — he kept himself holed up in his bedroom at his workshop, constructing new gadgets and gizmos and duck creatures when he wasn't someplace in Hell in an important meeting or in his office filling out paperwork.

You're not certain as to what brought it on, the reason as to why you found yourself thinking about him so often — you would sit in your swivel chair and tap your pen against your face as you stared blankly at the wall, memories of you and Lucifer as mere children in Heaven flashing through your mind in waves. You recalled bittersweetly when he would pick at his greens at dinner and try to sneakily dispose of them with his magic, but would always eventually get caught by the higher seraphim, who would scold him precisely and insist that he needed his proper nutrients.

He had always had a sweet tooth. You thought it was cute.

Even then he would spend a lot of time in his room, writing short stories and imaginary tales ceaselessly, drawing fantastical images of heroes and supervillains, evildoers and monsters, envisioning his own scenarios and worlds where things were different, where things weren't always "perfect" like they were in Heaven.

You were mostly the only other angel he would share his creations with, showcasing his many filled sketchbooks of doodles of creatures he had created, some with only one eye, others with multiple sets of arms and legs, even some with villainous features like sharp teeth and black eyes — he would bring these imaginations to life with his magic, and your belly warmed pleasantly recalling how the two of you would sit in front of the mantle in the living room of the palace you lived in in Heaven, golden flames flickering and crackling soothingly in the fireplace as the two of you laughed and giggled in awe as he'd manifest his creatures in sparks and shapes formed of misty golden light.

You found his creations so enthralling as a child, found his visionary ideologies as completely reasonable and plausible. He had once described a fictional universe where every person's soul was their pets, so people's cats and dogs and animals were all by their sides in their day-to-day lives and protected with their lives.

You would mentally place yourselves in these worlds, erasing every other person you knew in reality and imagining multiple universes where the only residents were you and Lucifer, happy and content with the state of the world you chose to image yourself in that day. Nobody else mattered but him.

He was your person. He always had been.

Until you got older. Until he met Lilith. Until he got married. Until he had Charlie.

A distance formed, and gradually, over the span of hundreds of years, you and Lucifer grew apart, becoming something closer to business partners and mutual rulers of Hell rather than best friends, rather than family.

It hurt. It really hurt.

But a connection that strong and prevalent could not just disappear like that, even over so many centuries. You still feel love for Lucifer as strongly as you did when you first met him as seraphim in Heaven, still respect him as much as you did when he made the brave, yet foolish decision to share his ideologies with Heaven, ultimately leading to his fall.

So now, even if your relationship has been dulled to nothing more than mundane conversations about business and the occasional mental breakdown when Lucifer would lose his composure and seek you out for comfort, much like he did weeks ago, your feelings for him would never change.

You just wished things were different. You would think that Lilith leaving would diminish the wedge placed in between you and Lucifer all those centuries ago, that Charlie running off and starting her own endeavors would reignite what was there all that time past, but here you were. Still so distant and complicated.