Masochism Tango | Alastor & Lucifer & Vox

chapter 19

A few weeks past and you had begun to feel a sort of resentment towards Lucifer.

It wasn't for any random reason, either. He had failed to attempt to make any conversation with you after what had happened that night, making it his top priority to avoid you at all costs — even through your day-to-day work lives, when you were required to messenger important paperwork his way, he would simply stare at you and nod when he retrieved his belongings.

You hated him for it. You felt used.

But you tried ceaselessly to empathize with him. You're certain he must be feeling a sense of guilt for what he had done — he was still married after all, technically, and he had a wife and a child dependent on his loyalty to his marriage. And he had failed them.

That's how he must have interpreted things. Not you, however. You felt no remorse for what had happened. To expand, you even found yourself touching yourself in remembrance of your passion late nights in your bedroom alone. Even though by the end of most days you were deeply exhausted and tired from the days successes and shortcomings alike, you always felt relieved to know you could climax to Lucifer's image to energize yourself again.

The fact of the matter was, you didn't even have sex.

Nope. Not even close. You and Lucifer alternated between making out and giving oral sex for over two hours, simply melting into one another and not worrying about taking things to the next level. No. You two wanted to take your time with things, explore one another one step at a time, to discover what worked and what didn't, what brought pleasure and what brought pain, and what brought a delightful combination of both.

It was late at night when you started, and even later when you became exhausted and flopped down half-naked on the bed next to him, drifting off into comfortable sleep. You held his smaller body protectively, recalling his scent of forestry and sweet, succulent apple pie. Your heart would randomly flutter in your chest in your sleep, remembering who it was held close to.

And then when you awoke that morning, he was gone. And things went on as if nothing happened. But there was always this tension, this unbearable shared knowledge of what you both had done, of the crime you had committed, and while you were willing to face it for what it was, he was not.

It frustrated you beyond belief, both emotionally and sexually. You itched to taste him again, to consume him for all that he was, to poison the sweet, pure little apple that was his soul, and claim him as your own. It was a primal, almost masculine desire that no other male had ever awoken within you before. Maybe it was because he was physically smaller, and sexually more submissive, or maybe it was because you had already been protecting him since the dawn of time.

But here he was. Being stubborn, while you were ready to go all in.

And you resented him for it. But oh, no, you would not be caught acting like a fool. You were not going to allow yourself to pine over a man like some schoolgirl. The situation was serious and dire, perhaps, considering how severe and deep your love for one another was rooted inside both of your souls, but if it was not meant to be, then it wasn't. And you were not about to allow yourself to be hurt over it.

If Lucifer valued his own ego and fear over his desire and adoration for you, so be it. You didn't need him anyway.

You held your face in your hands — oh, but you did. You did need him. He was a piece of your soul, no matter how badly you wanted to deny it. He made you who you were, and if he rejected you... You weren't certain what you would do with yourself.

Just give him time, you reassured yourself. Surely that was it, right? Certainly that was the reason why he had not spoken a single word to you for weeks on end, why he would never look you in the eye, why whenever you were in his presence, he would fume silently to himself... He just needed time to reflect on his feelings, figure out a game plan for what was to come next. He couldn't just dive in knowing he was married to the Queen of Hell, aware of his fatherhood, conscious of the scandal that would arouse if even a sliver of the public was aware of his affair with you... So he just needed time.