The Cult of Dionysus

Apollo

I'm fully expecting a solid whack to my skull, but a loud noise draws the attention of the blemmyae away from us. A loud, rumbling, whirring sound.

Leo perks up.

"Hey, titty-face!" I hear a familiar voice that fills me with so much joy, I feel like I could explode.

A shiny black motorbike bursts through the crowd of blemmyae, sending multiple flying backwards. The bike circles us once before coming to a stop. The bike looks incredibly nice, and looks very clean, even after hitting multiple blemmyae. The rider removes her helmet, and I find myself attempting to compose a whole ode to Callida Rivera.

Her brown curly hair falls around her shoulders and down her back in waves. In her black leather pants and jacket, she looks like she just came out of the Matrix movie, or like she just finished stomping faces, except for the odd addition of some incredibly clean leopard-print converse. Even with her big, round, owl-like gold-rimmed glasses, she looks like a beautiful badass.

She climbs off her bike, summons her thyrsus, and slashes a blemmyae with incredible force, immediately crumbling it to dust.

"Who want some of this, huh?" She taunts, swinging her weapon wildly and pacing the crowd, her gaze looking incredibly intense and maybe a little crazy.

The blemmyae seem to have momentarily forgotten that they outnumber us twenty-to-one. They are simply stunned, either by her beauty, or her maniacal expression, or maybe just the sheer gall she seems to have from riding into an angry mob and threatening them all. Probably all three.

She turns to us, scowling. "I don't want to hear a word."

"Yes ma'am." Leo nods, grinning like a madman. "So, uh, what's the plan?"

Calli looks mortified. "I thought you guys would have one." She finally takes a moment to examine us. She sees Calypso, with her purple hand and swollen ankle. Then Leo in his boxers, holding a staple gun. Then me, well, being me.

The blemmyae seem to notice her hesitation, and they begin to advance on us again. Calli scans our surroundings quickly.

I'm about to initiate Defense Plan Omega- falling to my knees and begging for mercy- when Calli saves me from the embarrassment.

"Bulldozer." She whispers.

"Is that a code word?" I ask.

"No." She gives me a look that clearly says, You're an idiot and I hate you. Instead of vocalizing that thought, she explains what she means. "Leo and I are going to sneak over to the bulldozer. You two distract the blemmyae."

Leo grins wildly. "Mamacita, you're a genius." He shifts Calypso's weight onto me.

"Are you crazy?" The sorceress, Calypso, hisses.

Calli nods. "Yes. Welcome to Callitown. Population: one. Status: clinically insane."

"How are we supposed to distract them?" I ask.

Calli shrugs. "Do what I would do. Yell something crazy. Or start insulting them. Feel out the situation, then take your pick."

Then, she and Leo take a careful step sideways.

"Oh!" Nanette beams. "Are you two volunteering to die first, short demigods?" She waggles her finger at Leo. "You did hit me with fire, so that makes sense."

Whatever Calli has in mind, I imagine her plan will fail if Leo begins arguing with Nanette about his height. (Leo is a bit sensitive about being called short.) Fortunately, I have a natural talent for focusing everyone's attention on me. I follow Calli's not-so-sound advice, and yell something crazy.