tainted

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we're friends
and
i'm terrified
because
i've read through
all of our texts
from years ago
i've thought back
to all our interactions
and i remember how
easy
carefree
and natural
it would be
to talk to you.
but now i'm
thinking about you
everyday and
avoiding eye contact and
ignoring you in crowds and
i'm just scared
that the easiness of
our friendship
is tainted
forever.
because i've thought about you
for days,
thoughts that i can't repeat
thoughts that bring heat to my face
and i know that
i've ruined
i've tainted
our friendship

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