𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜

𝓓𝓲𝔃𝔃𝔂

Author's Note ::

Hii guys, just a quick warning for this one, this is more based around mental health, none of it should be too triggering but if you're worried you might be upset I recommend not reading, also, this is written in the way that my brain works and handles overthinking so I'm not sure if it will make sense so I'm sorry about that!

Just so yk, you and Matt date and are in high school !!
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You woke up, heavy hearted from the events of last night.
You had an argument with your best friend, yes it was small but that was enough for your mind to wander to the extremes.

You were terrified.
Some of your friends were closer with Taylor, your best friend, than you, what if they ditch you? What if they talk about you behind your back? What if they all end up hating you?
What if they already hate you?

If you were being completely honest, you were struggling to feel anything, which was strange, but sometimes you had times where you couldn't feel any negative emotions properly.
Sometimes, this caused you to be unable to cry for weeks.

You thought it was weird but you didn't want to say anything about it because you thought you were just going insane.

Normal people don't think like this? Why were your thoughts going so fast that you couldn't even hear them all in your head at once, struggling to even pluck out one and make sense of it.

You tried to think of the positives as that's the kind of person you tried to be, you had three out of five of your classes with Matt today.

Every day, you would think of something that would help you get out of bed the next, you didn't tell anyone that, it sounds depressing.

You just struggled with your emotions, controlling them, making sense of them, sharing them, getting help, that was all.

But Matt understood.
And that was why you got quickly attached to him.
Yes, you understood that was another one of your problems.
You got attached to something so easily and hung onto it for dear life, almost every time driving it away if it was a person.

That scared you too.

Suddenly, the thought of seeing Matt had became more bittersweet.

You hauled yourself out of bed and lazily got ready for the day, walking to school listening to your comfort artist, hoping to calm yourself down as every step towards the building felt more dreadful than the last and you felt your chest getting tighter as your feet reluctantly carried on taking your tired self to the place you hated the most.

Relieved when you saw the triplets in the distance, this gave you an excuse to avoid your friend group for a bit, as bad as that sounded.

"Hi guys" you smiled at them, hoping they couldn't tell anything was up.
And as usual, no one did, but you were glad, in a way, going unnoticeable was better than people asking what was wrong, as if a quick answer was good enough for that question.

However, when Matt walked over to greet you with a hug, you felt yourself relax a little bit, and you shared a more genuine smile with him.

You didn't want to be one of those gross couples that every school had so you reluctantly stepped away from him, knowing that you could've held on for centuries longer to the boy's irresistible, warm energy if you could.

You forced yourself to stay awake in class, struggling to distract yourself as you had the lessons without Matt first and no other friends in either.

As you walked to your third class alone, finally going to be with Matt, you noticed the hallway's increasing number of students as you started to get overwhelmed.
Usually, you would grab onto one of your friend's bags and push through it together but you couldn't handle it alone, you felt claustrophobic almost.
The overlapping voices and so many people brushing past you made you feel trapped and dizzy as you were hit with a strong wave of derealisation.

Everything started to feel like it was getting louder and you were happy when you finally made it out of the traffic.

You stood against a wall for a second and clutched at your chest, trying to regain your breath.
"Hey, you ok?" A familiar voice said as he rested his hand on your shoulder.
You brushed it off, not because you were trying to be rude, but you felt uncomfortable being touched at the minute.
You gave him an apologetic look instead of replying, you couldn't.

You were struggling to talk and even if you wasn't, you didn't know what to say anyways.

Matt still understood though, this had happened before.
He looked at you holding his hand out and you took it, him helping you slowly sit with him and then passing you the water from his backpack.

"Thank you" you croaked, as you looked at him appreciatively.
"No problem, do you want to talk about it, or do you want to talk about something that'll distract you and we can talk about that later?" You smiled at him and gave him a hug, which you both melted into.

"Can we talk about it later please?" He nodded and smiled.
"I'm sorry, we're gonna be late" you looked down at your watch.
"Don't worry, I'll use my charm on the teacher" he winked at you.
"Matt, he's a 50 year old man" you laughed together, walking at a steady pace, hand in hand.

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Author's Note ::
Does anyone know how to describe these emotions? Or is there a name for them? Because like I said, this is how I view things and it would help if you guys knew anything about it.

Thank you for reading, any requests in the comments please, I love you all byee <3