Reflections||Tarasia

13.

TARAJI

Kennedy had me bent over the edge of her desk, my right leg on top of it and bent at the knee as she hovered over me, her stiletto nails roughly scraping the walls of my pussy as I choked her, aggressively making out with her. It felt like her tongue was fucking my throat because of how deep it was inside of my mouth. She spit in my mouth, slapping me across my face in the heat of the moment as she continued to finger-fuck me into submission. This is exactly how sex with the women in prison went- hard and fast with no love and absolutely no gentleness. But I'm not in prison anymore, and some affection from the person I'm giving my body to would be nice. This is so wrong. Kennedy's teeth grazed my neck as her fingers pounded me. I dropped my head down with a hard bang and gripped the corner of her desk, closing my eyes and clenching my thighs as I felt an orgasm rippling through my body, tearing me apart. She didn't give my body time to recover before she was flipping me onto my back. I put my hand on her stomach, trying to push her back at a safe distance. There was blood on her fingers when she pulled them out of me, for God's sake. I couldn't let her keep going.

Taraji: Kennedy, wait. Just wait.

Kennedy: I'm your boss, Taraji, not the other way around. I don't wait for what I want.

Her voice was surprisingly soft, but her actions were hard and cruel as she grabbed my ankles and dragged me to the end of her desk. I sat up because I felt too vulnerable laying down. She wrapped her hand up in my hair, kissing me deeply. I wrapped my legs around her waist, pushing her blazer off of her shoulders and throwing it across the room. I wanted to feel her skin. There has to be some kind of gentleness, or this won't mean anything. I placed kisses on her neck, on her shoulder, and the top of her breasts. I reached my arms around her and unhooked her bra, staring up into her eyes through my lashes as I took her right titty into my mouth while massaging the left one. She closed her eyes and threw her head back, her fingers stroking through my hair. The softness was gone within seconds after she snatched me up by my throat, pushing me down on my back once again. She spit directly onto my face and my pussy dried up faster than it ever has before. She's not trying to make me feel good at all. She just wants to get off on controlling and humiliating me.

Taraji: I don't want to do this anymore, Kennedy. Your wife-

She shut me up when she slammed her mouth down onto my pussy. She gripped my thighs as my back arched off of the desk, pulling me closer to the edge as she tried to bring more of my pussy into her warm wet mouth. I squirmed and thrashed, trying my hardest not to succumb to the painful pleasure she was giving me. Her teeth softly tugged at my clit and her head shook from side to side as her tongued lapped up my juices. The human body responds to consensual and nonconsensual sex all the same, so I'm not even sure how I should feel about this. I wasn't asking her to stop anymore. I couldn't say anything. All I could do was moan and scream. Her tongue pistoned in and out of me as I sat up a little bit to make eye contact with her. A single tear slid down my cheek as I gripped her hair and came all over her face. I thought that she was finally done with me, but it seemed like she was just getting started as she pulled me off of her desk and put me in the chair. I was exhausted, but I was too tired to tell her to stop. This is the suffering that my body has to deal with for messing with a married woman. I hate myself because a part of me wanted it. There's no turning back now.

FANTASIA

I was driving fast and recklessly from Kennedy's studio, tears blurring my vision as I swerved all over the road without a care in the world. Destroying Kennedy's dark room didn't make me feel better or satisfied. Her cruel words were still bouncing around in my head, making me question everything I thought about myself. Am I really that fat? I haven't been going to the gym like I used to because I'm always in the studio, and when I'm not in the studio songwriting I try to spend my free time with Kennedy and Sarai, but I thought that I was eating healthily enough and keeping my body right. Was she ever really attracted to me? How long has she been displeased with my body? I feel so blindsided and confused. I'm sick to my stomach from the thought of Kennedy secretly hating my body for the entirety of our relationship, and all I wanted to do was pull over and empty my guts. I was halfway home when I realized that I didn't have my phone with me. I must have left it back at Kennedy's photography studio. The fact that I had to see her face for a second time today made me even angrier, but I swallowed my emotions and turned around, heading back to her studio. Honestly, fuck Kennedy. I shouldn't be allowing her to get into my head and awaken my insecurities like this. My body is tea as fuck, and somebody else will appreciate my curves if she won't. I go out of my way to treat her well and fuck her even better, and she repays me by bullying me. I won't be bullied by my own wife. I will divorce her before I allow her to destroy my confidence and make me question who I am.

As I entered the building, I heard a strange noise coming from upstairs. I furrowed my eyebrows and pulled my face in confusion, cautiously proceeding to the stairs as I followed the sounds. It was coming from her office. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion around me, but my heart was racing as I approached her office. I was terrified of what was waiting for me on the other side of the door as I gripped the knob so hard that an imprint was left on my hand. I closed my eyes and whispered a quick prayer, although I had no idea what I was even praying for. The only thing that I could ask God for in that moment was strength. I turned the knob, hearing a click when the door swung open. Kennedy was on top of her desk with her assistant underneath her, scissoring her soul out of her body. I stood there frozen in shock, tears silently falling down my face. The passion and desire on Kennedy's face, the way her eyes were closed and her mouth was sagged open couldn't be misinterpreted. She was cheating on me with her assistant. She was cheating on me with Sarai's birth mother. She hooked Taraji's leg, riding her into oblivion. Staring at Taraji's body, I couldn't help but to think of the disgusting things that Kennedy said about my body. She was everything that I wasn't. Her o-face was gorgeous. Her captivating eyes were rolling back into her head and her plump lips were parting. That should be me making her make that face. I don't know if I hate her or if I want her. Am I jealous of her, or am I jealous of Kennedy? My internal conflict was only making my head hurt. I wanted someone, anyone else but me to be hurting because I didn't deserve it, but they did. They were so lost in fucking each other that they didn't even notice me standing there. I saw red and I couldn't think straight as I ran up and pushed Kennedy off of Taraji. I dragged Taraji to the floor by her hair and started hitting her, letting out all of my pain and anger. I got something for Kennedy's ass too, but all I saw was Taraji.

All I saw was Taraji.