11/23

Hashtag 10

#TheirOwnTorture

"Everything will be painful for someone who is cruel to oneself."

-x-

Jhing envisioned differently.

She was too sure that when destiny will try to play with their lives, the smiles will be forever gone. Siguradong wala siyang 'good morning!' greeting mula sa lalaki pagkatapos ng nakakahiyang senaryo as if nothing happened. No stare. No talk. Not even wanting to breathe the same air as hers.

And she was too sure once she pushed harder, he will back away.

That was what she wanted.

She was scared as f ck when he didn't even budge.

As if there was no past, no heartbreak, or even blocking of accounts.

She was expecting bitterness! Anger! Questions of whys and hows! Even the sound of his voice, too dark and angry, was in her head every night before she sleep – playing over and over again – as he should point out every single thing she had done to him. He needed an explanation from her, and a reasonable one on his part.

But he didn't ask.

No anger.

Not even bitterness.

Kahit nga pagbanggit ng nakaraan, nada.

Negative was what she envisioned Miko to be.

Alam niya, dahil kung siya ang biglang iniwan nang walang dahilan, at itulak, ganun ang gagawin niya. Ganun ang maiisip niya. Ganun ang mararamdaman niya.

She'll hate and burn that person into the pits of hell. . .like what she was feeling now.

But, duh. Nakalimutan niyang iba-iba nga pala ang ugali ng tao. Same situations, different actions. Same feelings, different reactions.

Magkaiba nga talaga sila ni Miko.

Naka-move on na si Fall sa pagtatanong ng, panaginip ko ba 'yung sa CR o nakita talaga kita? Kayo? When Jhing didn't respond, tumawa si Fall at tinanong, Hindi naman ako buntis, di ba?!

Wala na kasi talaga sa ulirat si Fall noon. Her appearance was Miko's cue to get out of the scene and go home.

Miko was absent the next few days.

But every night, before going to sleep, Miko's serious yet smiling face was vivid in her mind. Ramdam pa rin niya ang panyong pinanglinis ng pisngi niya. She could still remember him, her reaction around him and her heartbeat as he said, 'I stay.'

The line was too familiar to her heart; she was so sure Miko knew it was from hers.

When Miko showed up in the office and smiled at her when they crossed path in the pantry, tumitig lang siya sa kalawan. Trying to stop her traitor heart from beating too fast.

Walls up. Poker face. Think like nothing happened. And go with the flow.

Like how she always planned from the start.

"Pass ako," Jhing answered when asked, rather, when July said something about team building, weekend getaway, and Caliraya. "Hindi ako sasama."

"What?"

"Less head count, less gastos." Naupo siya sa pwesto, opened the manuscript she was editing.

Inikot ni July ang computer chair niya para humarap siya rito. July's smile was scary. "I don't think so. Kasama rin kaya ang writers."