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either: a poem

could someone define for me balance

teach me trade-offs, color me compromise

i do not know how to position

myself in the middle of

capsizing ship

if it fits, i want it too big

or too small

too much to exist

or too nothing at all

i'll exhaust every bit of you

with my spider leg limbs

spend an eternity pondering

how low i should dim every

bright light i've ever known

either searing or pitch

or it isn't home

your lips taste like chloroform;

i could choke myself on them

fingers like switchblades;

i think i could die on them

i have this affinity

a tendency

towards self-destruction

joints stretching like days

(like they've always been)

either exploding outwards

or imploding in

sound of a spine

pop, pop, popping

twisting shoulders backwards

hang me from my feet

somehow i become less

dizzy upside-down

high from the feeling of

blood rushing up

not to my head, but

to the ground

caustic conundrums

eyes either popping out of skull

or swallowed

stormy seas or sparking sand

i am a metronome

not like a heartbeat

but a convulsion

                  
there are so many possibilities

as to how i take my shallow breaths

in this beautiful world

but none of them are beautiful

~Savannah Brown

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