Forgetting Love (Dublin Sisters #2.5)

Chapter 13

               

She was blank, completely blank. Her mind was not comprehending what she was staring at. Naked bodies, explicit videos, disgusting act that was filth. Her fingers were numb but she had to know more. Dreading, she clicked on the history of the browser, hoping and wishing this video and the website was just spam but no her hopes and wishes were not to be come true. Her bottom lip quivered as she scrolled down checking history. Different porn sites had been accessed to in a single day. This was his activity for the last one week as far as she could scroll back to all the history. How much was he watching? She bit her lower lip so it wouldn't tremble.

Glancing at him, the only question that ran through her mind was – why? Why did he indulge in this? He was sleeping peacefully on his side, with his arm covering part of his face. Tears brimmed her eyes, was she not enough for him? How many times in the last few months she had come to him willingly, an initiative she had never taken in their decade-long marriage. It was always him making the first move and she had always complied easily. Maybe at times, she was tired then she wasn't able to. She had even complied when she had been in severe pain during her last pregnancy. And now this? How long had this been going on for?

She wanted to throw his phone against the wall and cry out loud. Shake him and bring some sense in him. Instead, she silently placed the phone on the night table and turned to the mirror. She stared and stared at her reflection. Eyeing each and every facial feature. What was she lacking? Touching her face as tears trickled down her cheeks, she hated herself. Most of all she hated him for putting doubts about herself. She had always been so confident about her looks and he had always praised her until recently.

She wasn't able to look after herself in the last few months. Her skin had turned pale. There were stress lines around her mouth and wrinkles on the sides of her eyes. She wasn't able to lose any of the baby weight. Her lips were chapped, she never remembered to apply lip balm and her hands were dry from over excessive work in the kitchen. When was the last time she had pampered herself by applying body lotions or hand creams. These were small gestures but she always used to do it. There were many days she didn't even bother to look at herself in the mirror. And let's not talk about her hair. There was no lustre or shine in them anymore, always pinned in a messy bun. She would hardly brush them once a day.

She still had to lose around 10 or more pounds. She did lose some pounds after the birth because of always being on her toes but it was difficult to lose weight when she was breastfeeding. She wasn't fat but was chubby and on the overweight side.

Was Faraz's love so superficial now that she wasn't able to take care of herself, he had resort to other women to seek pleasure? She had been busy taking care of their children. His children. More tears flowed and she wasn't able to suppress her sniffle.

Faraz stirred in his sleep and then opened one eye, he mumbled drowsily, "You are back?"

Without glancing at him or replying him, she rushed to the bathroom. He disgusted her. Locking the door, she leaned her back against it. She will face him tomorrow and once and for all, get this in the open. It wasn't the best time to discuss this issue as Nawal's wedding was in one day. But she wanted answers.

There was a long night ahead.

A sleepless night with torturous thoughts.

She came to only one conclusion – her husband had been cheating on her by watching pornography for many weeks.

****

"I want to marry Samreen." Faraz stated clearly to Nouman.

It had been two weeks since Nouman had kicked him out of his flat. There was no communication between the friends. And definitely, he hadn't spoken to Samreen. Although, she had texted him apologizing. He wasn't able to reply back. All this time, Faraz had been contemplating his feelings. After speaking to his parents, he had finally decided to approach Nouman about the matter.