paper thin (phan)

f o u r t e e n

Phil always hated stairs.

But not as much as he did right now. Every step was leading to the floor, the floor Dan was on in a hospital. Every step was another droplet in his overflowing bucket of anxiety, his legs shaking. It wasn't that he was necessarily scared of Dan, even though he was- he was always scared of Dan. Scared of losing him.

But mainly, Phil was just scared of being kicked in the crotch by Mr. Howell or Chris. He made it to the room to see the door shut, the blinds shut in the window, blocking view of what was going on in the hospital room. He knocked, and the door opened.

And Dan looked at him.

And Phil burst into tears.

Hot liquid streamed down his cheeks as he let sobs wrack through him, his hands pressed against his mouth to muffle his cries. His parents looked shocked and upset that Phil was here, but they were just blurry to him, they were in the dark while Dan was a clear angel in a spotlight. Phil ran over, Dan sitting up as they embraced.

Dan nudged his head against the older's shoulder, his arms wrapped around his neck tightly while Phil held the back of Dan's curly hair. He cradled him tightly as they cried onto each other.

"I didn't think you'd wake up," Phil sniffled, voice muffled from being pressed against the top of Dan's head. "I didn't think I'd get to see your face again."

"You need to leave-" Mrs. Howell began, but Dan cut her off, speaking up but staying against Phil's chest.

"Let him stay. Please. I need t-to be alone with him for a few minutes," Dan began, voice slightly muffled till he pulled away, his hands moved to grip at Phil's shirt sleeve. His mother hesitated. "Please. It's all I want right n-now."

She exhaled before nodding, leaving along with the rest of the family. Louise left last, smiling at the friends before shutting the door after she exited. Once they were gone, Phil looked at Dan, climbing onto the bed next to him to hold him again.

"God dammit, Dan. Now look at me. I'm a crying mess."

"It's okay to cry," he murmured against his friend, holding him tightly, his hands gripping onto Phil's shirt at his back. "It's okay to cry, Phil."

Phil pulled away, only to grab Dan's face in his hands. They just stared at each other, Phil mentally connecting the dots with Dan's freckles. They locked eyes again, Phil staring at his reflection in the other boy's glossy eyes, letting his gaze run down to finally settle on Dan's lips. He slid his hand over, running the pad of his thumb over Dan's bottom lip.

Dan kept his hands on Phil's arms, both of them staying completely silent except for their heavy pants and hitches of breath from crying.

"You're so beautiful," Phil whispered absentmindedly, his eyes watering just at the realization of how lucky he was to be looking at the angel in front of him. "I didn't think I'd ever get to hear your voice again, or see your pretty little face, or kiss you. . ."

"Then why d-don't you?"

Phil licked his lips, a lodge forming in his throat as he gulped and made eye contact with Dan again. He moved his hands back to settle on each side of Dan's jawline, a lopsided grin finding its way onto Phil's mouth.

"Can I kiss you, angel?"

"Of course you can."

Dan instantly blushed, the smallest smile flashing on his face before Phil couldn't see it anymore because suddenly his eyes were closed and his mouth was covering that pretty smile of Daniel. They were finally kissing. And they both finally felt happy.

The kiss was deep and full of passion as they held each other, Dan's hands reaching out to pull on the collar of Phil's shirt. Phil was lightheaded from how good he felt, his fingertips running through Dan's curls.

"I love you. I love you so much. It's insane, I know, but I love you," Phil told him against his lips, feeling Dan smile before pulling away.

"Y-you mean that?" Dan asked, eyes sparkling and lips rosy. His hands switched to rest on Phil's shoulders as they looked at each other.

"I do," Phil nodded, a tear slipping down his cheek. "I know I made a stupid bet. And it wasn't supposed to happen like this, you weren't supposed to be in a hospital bed and we aren't supposed to be crying this hard, but I fell in love with you slowly and now I'm here, I'm here and I'm lucky enough to have just kissed you- you are so beautiful, Dan- you always have been. I didn't mean to reject you years back. The truth is, I loved you too. I always had. But Jason made me do that bet and I didn't wanna see you get hurt, but you did anyway, and I'm so sorry- I get it if you never wanna talk to me again after this but I just wanted you to know the truth. I know Jace is still out there, but I promise to God, I swear: I will never hurt you again, or let anyone hurt you either for that matter. My life revolves around the stability of yours, alright? You're my angel and I am going to help you fly, do you understand me?"

Dan let tears come down his cheeks before nodding.

"I don't mind if you're adopted. I don't mind if you have a stutter. I don't mind if you have anxiety or you're unhappy, because I am going to help you forget about all that, I am going to help you wear that flawless smile every day. You are not just a label of mental illness. You're a boy who has problems, that's all. I've got problems too. And we're gonna be there for each other. We're gonna learn to overcome. I promise. I promise I am going to give you the happiness you deserve if you promise to love me as much as I love you."

Dan giggled. "Kiss me again."

"You don't have to tell me twice," Phil responded, and they kissed and kissed until there was no longer tears on their faces, only smiles and dimples.