paper thin (phan)

s i x t e e n

(a/n: y'all should do fanart for this fic I'd rly appreciate it js)

"Phil?"

Phil turned at the mention of his name, pulling his cigarette from between his lips. It was late, midnight kind of late, and Phil had gone to the park to attempt to rebuild the treehouse without Dan. However, Dan was standing right in front of him, bags under his eyes and curls stuck to his forehead from sweat.

"Yeah, sugar? What are you doing here, it's late."

"You weren't answering your texts and I-I figured you were busy here."

Phil had his button-down unbuttoned, his smooth skin being revealed underneath with his jean shorts on and untied shoelaces attached to his feet. His hair was pushed back, almost like a quiff, but strands fell in his face. He sat up in the wagon he was resting in to make room for Dan, gesturing for him to sit next to him.

"You seem tired. You should sleep," Phil suggested once Dan sat next to him, leaning his head on his shoulder.

"I could say the same to you," Dan chuckled. "You need a break. You've been working on this house longer than me, this i-isn't The Notebook and you don't need to rebuild it right away. Take your time, alright?"

"Yeah yeah," Phil rolled his eyes, puffing on his cigarette. Dan raised an eyebrow at Phil, glaring at the cigarette. Phil shrugged his shoulders. "What? I said I'd try to stop."

Dan giggled, playfully punching him in the arm. Phil smiled and suddenly Dan couldn't stop staring, his eyes running over the boy next to him as a grin found its way onto his lips. Phil looked at him, tapping the cigarette with the pad of his thumb before locking eyes with the brunette.

They stared at each other, and finally Dan reached his hand out, taking Phil's jawline in his palm and tilting his head ever so slightly. Dan began moving forward, his lips parting and eyes falling shut, and Phil found himself doing the same until he remembered what happened. He turned his head down and Dan felt that, furrowing his eyebrows and gazing down at Phil.

"W-what's wrong? Do you not want to k-kiss me?"

"I really want to, that's the problem," Phil explained, avoiding eye contact. Dan opened his mouth to question him when he spoke up again. "I came out to my mom."

Dan tensed. "And?"

"She didn't like it, not one bit. She said that I was just going through a phase and then she found my cigarettes and threatened to kick me out, and everything just went really wrong."

"Is that why you looked so sad yesterday?"

"I hadn't told her yet. I was considering it and it put me deep in thought. Dan, I'm not here tonight to rebuild the treehouse, I'm here because I don't wanna go back home. I wanna be with you."

"Then why d-didn't you text me?"

"I didn't want to bother you, I didn't want to annoy you, and this is the closest I'll get to you- the place we met. The stupid treehouse we met at, remember?"

Dan smiled sadly, pulling Phil to his chest to hold him and planted a kiss on the top of his head. "You're not annoying. You've got a disability, that doesn't mean it defines you. We've all got problems, you've just got a-a bigger one. But that doesn't mean I'm not here to help you," Phil felt a tear slip down his cheek and instantly wiped it away, pulling away from Dan. He wasn't the emotional type and he had to stay strong for the fallen angel next to him. "Look why don't you stay at m-my place tonight, I'll sneak you in and we can go walk school together."

"Okay, yeah," he nodded. Dan wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "I just really, really hate myself," Phil looked at his feet, bad memories haunting him. "And obviously my mom does too. And my dad since he doesn't even know what I look like. And Jason. And everybody in the school. And you did once too."

"I never hated you," Dan told him, staring at the side profile of Phil Lester's face. "I was so in love with you that I begun to hate myself, there's a difference."

Phil shook his head. "But you've got people now. You've got Louise. You've got parents who actually care where you've been. You've got a school that wants to protect you. Even freaking animals like you, and I'm here, the kid with ADHD who's a school slut and smokes to forget about his deadbeat dad and alcoholic mom."

"That's not how I see you," Dan explained, leaning his head on Phil's shoulder who froze at first then relaxed. Dan then moved again, taking his free fingers between his and holding his hand. "I see you as a lonely boy who just needs to know. . . who n-needs to feel what its like to be loved."

"I know that you love me," Phil found himself smiling, a blush on his cheeks. Dan laughed against his shirt.

"And I know that you love me too," Dan responded. "And you know I'm not gonna let anyone change that, right? You've protected me once, and I'll do just the same for you. I'm going to love you so hard that you're gonna be forced into loving yourself too."

Phil laughed for the first time that week. And Dan felt pretty accomplished to hear it. Phil puffed on his cigarette and Dan continued.

"Who cares if your mom doesn't accept you, yeah she's a big p-part of your life but it's your life. It's your preferences, your person to love, your hands to hold. Not hers. So find a bigger and better part of your life. Find someone who makes you happiest and saddest, someone who holds you like no one e-ever did, someone who makes you laugh the loudest and cry the hardest, someone who looks at you like you're the whole world no matter how bad you may think you appear as. Someone who reminds you daily how worthy you are, someone who encourages you when you're so close to giving up. Just. . . find someone who makes you feel less paper thin."

Phil set his cigarette down, grabbing Dan's face with both of his hands and kissing him passionately. Dan gasped in surprise but kissed back, taking Phil's shirt in his fists. They then pulled away and Phil smiled up at him, their noses still brushing once he spoke up.

"Well I've found you, haven't I?"