paper thin (phan)

f i f t e e n

fanart by @BlankXOX

Dan was finally back home. Not only at his house, but he was allowed to hang out with Phil again. Now leading back to Phil, they didn't have a label yet. And quite frankly, Dan was desperate to have one. He was desperate to be in a relationship with him.

"Dan!"

Speak of the devil.

Dan looked away from his sketchbook, pencil loose in his hands, averting his gaze to the voice that echoed from outside. He stood up, peering through the window to see Phil and Louise, his crush rolling a red wagon and his best friend with a backpack on her shoulders. Dan quickly laced up his shoes and rushed downstairs, heading outside after calling to his family.

"What a-are you two doing here? You didn't text me any memes as a heads up," Dan gestured to Phil who grinned sheepishly.

"We're gonna rebuild the treehouse."

Dan flinched. Louise noticed how uncomfortable Dan was, trudging forward and enveloping him in a hug. "It'll be fine. We know you've got bad memories there, so we're demanded to make new ones, alright? You can even play your own emo music while we work."

"So I c-can play MCR?"

Louise exhaled while Phil groaned in the background. "Yes, Dan, you can play Our Toxic Love."

"It's My Chemical Romance."

"Same thing."

  ❦  

"How are you doing, Dan?"

Dan furrowed his eyebrows at his friend's question- Phil was never really one to ask stuff like that. The two were drenched in sweat, overworking themselves on rebuilding after Louise had gone home. They were laying on a blanket in the grass together, under a tree to attempt to hide away from the sun.

"I-I'm fine," Dan turned his head away, fingers grasping onto the blanket underneath. He hated that question. "How are y-"

"Hold on, close your eyes and cover your ears."

"Why?" He turned to see Phil pulling out a cigarette and understood it was so Dan wouldn't have to be reminded of the fire. Dan nodded, turning and squeezing his eyes shut after covering his ears. He waited until Phil pressed a kiss to the back of Dan's neck, causing Dan to squeak.

"Sensitive?" Phil inquired, smirking as Dan revealed his face covered in a blush. Phil puffed on his cigarette and Dan watched, mesmerized. Phil giggled, leaning closer until his nose brushed against Dan's before murmuring seductively, "where else are you sensitive?"

Dan blushed even harder, gulping before making eye contact with the boy in front of him. "You'll h-have to figure that out yourself." 

Phil chuckled, pressing a kiss to Dan's nose before pulling away to lay on Dan's lap. "You're a tease, angel."

"I'm not, you're just not used t-to getting what you desire, pretty boy."

"So you think I'm pretty?" Phil responded after exhaling the smoke. Dan rolled his eyes.

"I've always thought you were pretty."

"You're too kind to me, babe."

Dan blushed, whacking the boy on his lap with his sweater sleeve. "Stop making me blush, dickwad!"

"But it's cute!" Phil pouted, sitting up and setting down his cigarette in his portable ash tray, reaching up to pinch Dan's cheeks. "Look at you!"

Dan shoved him, knocking Phil over and ending up on top of him. They stopped giggling, just looking at each other until Dan was suddenly reaching his arm out and taking Phil's cigarette between his own fingers.

Slowly, he took a drag from the cigarette, setting it back down before leaning down close to Phil's face. Phil parted his lips, expecting a kiss, when Dan exhaled the smoke right through Phil's mouth. Phil laughed, running a hand through his hair.

"You're definitely a tease."

Dan's lips twitched up. "Maybe a little."

"Your stutter's gotten a lot better, y'know? I'm proud of you." Dan thanked him before climbing off, taking his phone out and snipping a picture of Phil when he wasn't expecting it. His eyes were closed, cigarette smoke tumbling out of his parted lips, chest rising and falling with his body on the blanket. But Dan took a second to look at his eyes.

And they were watery. Not from allergies, no, Phil looked genuinely sad. His eyes were not as blue as Dan remembered, instead a dull grey. Dan took a sip of his alcohol, sitting criss-cross before speaking up.

"I met my real mom."

Phil practically choked, shooting up to reveal his wide-eyed face. "How'd it go?"

"My anxiety- it's in my genetics. She has anxiety l-like me," Dan explained, picking at his fingernails. "I heard her stutter and that's when I caught on."

"And your dad?"

"They didn't last. They fought t-too much. Romance never seems to last in my blood."

Phil frowned, reaching out to brush his fingers across Dan's cheekbone. "Just because something didn't work out the first time, doesn't mean you shouldn't try again."

Dan blinked a couple times, debating how to respond. "But I'm scared."

"Isn't that the beauty of it then? If you're scared, that means it's real."

Dan paused, snaking his fingertips into Phil's. He loved the feeling. He loved brushing the pad of his thumb over the top of Phil's hand, he loved when Phil would squeeze his hand to get his attention. "I hate holding your hand."

"Why?"

"Because I know that it will hurt when I have to let go."

Phil's eyes locked with Dan's. "Then don't."

And Dan was confused. Was Phil saying not to hold his hand, or to not let go? But Phil was kissing him and suddenly he didn't want to think about that, he didn't wanna dread letting go but instead to cherish the moment he had of holding on. He liked Phil, he was learning to like himself, but he felt as if  everything was too happy. Something was going to go wrong, and it wasn't just the pessimistic side of Dan's anxiety saying that.

So Dan just went with it, he kissed Phil, he ignored the feeling for now. But eventually this Cloud 9 feeling would drop and Dan would fall again. And maybe one day he would have to let go, but for now, Dan trusted Phil with their future. Dan trusted that Phil would catch him when he couldn't fly.

Dan trusted that Phil would save him. But how could Phil save his angel, when Phil's wings were already breaking?