Parent Helpline [ ✓ ]

5 : 2 1 p m

LEGEND:
Declan - bold
Grayson - italics

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"Hi, this..."

"Please, please tell your boss to think of a better introduction."

"Why? I think this one works fine."

"It apparently does not. It is infuriating and it makes me want to smash my head against the wall."

"Alright, alright, Jack Frost, what is it?"

"What is what?"

"The thing you're so desperate to tell me but still haven't yet because you're trying to play it cool?"

"..."

"Come on. Gray."

"Okay, jeez! Don't say my name like a mom like that."

"Okay, fine. So?"

"So... my dad and my mom had the talk. You know – the kind when they know stuff's fucked."

"Did you overhear something again?"

"Not intentionally – what kind of person do you think I am?"

"Wouldn't you want to know though?"

"I can't give a limping fuck about my dad, much less a flying one; but my mom... If she doesn't want me to find out, I won't."

"Righteous."

"Like shit I am."

"..."

"Sorry, the realisation's fucking horrible. But anyways, I should get on. So... they were talking about some screenshot of a text between my dad and his most recent bitch – I think."

"Guns don't always kill. Screenshots are more lethal."

"Right."

"What was the text about?"

"I'm not sure... I think there was a picture involved. Anyhow, my mom's saying the text is pretty recent, but my dad denies that and says he's done with whatever."

"But you can usually see the time and date the screenshot was taken, right? And maybe the text dates too?"

"Yeah, that's the thing. [Harsh] He's so fucking full of shit, I swear. It drives me insane."

"Don't give him anymore, you'll be fine."

"Huh. Good attempt."

"Compliment gladly accepted."

"It was not... Christ, I don't even know why I bother."

"Well... what are you gonna do about the conversation then?"

"[Hard] What do you suggest I do, because I'm thinking nothing right now. Nobody needs to hear me complaining about what they'd already known."

"I don't know... I mean, that is a fair point. Besides, you're consulting me, which kinda counts as 'doing something'."

"Yeah, well... probably."

"..."

"..."

"Tell me more about you."

"What?"

"Well, all I know about you, Gray, is your 'family business'. Tell me something else."

"Like... what?"

"I dunno; what do you look like?"

"What do I look like? Hmm, let's see, I've got two eyes, one nose, one mouth..."

"Yeah, and how am I supposed to use that description to recognise you, given we ever meet face-to-face?"

"Well, at least you know I'm not Voldemort."

"You think you're so funny don't ya."

"I don't think, I know."

"Classic."

"Oh, wanna hear a classic joke? You. Makes me laugh everytime."

"You don't even know me! What the f..."

"Language!"

"Like your mouth's so clean."

"As far as I'm concerned, I don't breed with the mouth of a goat. And that's good enough."

"You, man. Just... you."

"Yes, me. I'm fab, I know."

"That narcissism is going to bring your death and turn your body into a flower."

"Which is at least something nice that you can never become. Out."

[Click.]

"Ah, classic."