Eliott Price Should be Dead

six - alleycat

Kylie is banging on my locked door like the police just walked into our apartment. My head is pounding and I keep screaming at her to go away.

I wonder if Nigel is out there with her, with tears in his eyes, because he said something to me he should have kept bottled inside of him.

I use my second pillow to cover my face and ears.

Everything is dark.

I can't really breathe and my face is getting hot but I keep it there and focus on silence. I'm focusing on silence while the noise outside my door encourages me to focus on the silence.

Now, I'm gasping for breaths with a wet spot on the pillowcase from my open mouth. My heart beat is picking up and the darkness is consuming my mind. I desperately want to throw the pillow off of my face but somehing tells me to keep it there a little longer.

I finally snap back to reality and throw the pillow on the floor. My eyes are sensitive to the light even though it's only been thirty seconds at the most, and I'm heaving for deep breaths to put oxygen back into my lungs.

I was never good at holding my breath.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" I shout as my voice cracks from the lack of oxygen.

I sit up off the side of my bed and hold my head in my hands as my elbows jab my thighs. I hear the banging on my door begin to cease, quiet footsteps towards the living room echoing against our floorboards.

My foot swings sideways and jabs into my wall out of frustration, but the only thing it does is leave dirt residue from the bottom of my shoes.

"HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" Kylie exclaims through the wall after I kick. For good measure, I kick the wall one more time, a little harder than before.

At this point, I feel like I've lost my best friend and I feel a little awkward thinking back to the things we did together. On more than one occasion, I've peed while Nigel brushed his teeth and vice versa. We would hold hands so we wouldn't get separated in crowded bus or subway terminals. Once I had to sit on his lap in a car because there were no other seats.

I finally stop thinking about it. I can't stay in here forever and pout.

"When the hell are you gonna come out and face the truth? We all gotta live with it!" Kylie's muffled voice echoes through our drywall.

She's right.

"It's not even that bad," she begins to exclaim again, "you know this could be a whole lot worse."

She's right. I admit it.

Things could be a whole lot worse than your best friend being in love with you. Maybe he's just infatuated, or maybe he's just confusing the feeling with something else. I'm not even gay so what does it matter to anyone anyway?

I cautiously twist the brass doorknob and open my bedroom door to the hallway. It's empty but I can almost see Kylie freezing in her tracks from the creaking sound my door makes.

"I'm here, you're right," I tell the empty hallway as I take a few steps outside of my bedroom.

"I'm right. I know," Kylie says while she's frozen in one spot. I can tell because I haven't heard a single thing move in the twenty seconds I've been free.