Eliott Price Should be Dead

sixteen - nicotine

It's been a long time since I saw Nigel. Since I talked to Nigel. Since I got annoyed with his stupid, indecisive ass.

On the way home, I round a corner and spot Nigel sitting on a bus stop bench. I do a double take, to make sure it's really him. His hoodie is pulled over the black beanie on his head and I get a gut feeling that he's not planning on going anywhere around here.

My first instinct is to shout his name and wave him over in my direction so we can walk home together. But, I remember we're both adults. Nigel is just as old and mature as I am. He doesn't need me to be his babysitter.

"Nigel," I shout out as I speed walk over to the bench. Nigel's eyes slowly shut once he hears me say my name, like I'm about to give him a headache or something.

"I'm finding my birth parents," Nigel suddenly explains with the most confidence I've ever heard.

"Oh, so, like..." I begin to speak but let my words trail off once I realize he's most likely leaving town now.

"Shit," I utter my words as I cover my face with my hands, "you're going now, aren't you? Where?"

"Up to Maine," Nigel speaks like a robot.

"What!" I exclaim again, finally crouching down next to him.

"Yeah. I'm leaving this city for a little while. I mean, I'll be back at some point. No use staying here if only two people care," Nigel tells me while he stares straight ahead into the street; waiting for the bus.

"Kylie and I care," I empathetically reassure Nigel.

"Kylie and James. He's the reason I'd come back," he corrects me.

I take a little offense to his correction, thinking back to that boy who was too nervous to look me in the eyes and blushed if he accidentally did. How can he take my place?

"But you literally said you loved me," I remind Nigel with some irritation weaved into my voice.

"True colors have been shown. Don't take this personally."

Of course I'm going to take this personally! What the hell does he mean?

I hear the distant hiss of a city bus which causes me to look both ways while Nigel sits completely still.

"Don't leave," I plead to Nigel as I think of what will make him stay. He remains true to his decision, though, and I realize I'm not the best persuader out there.

The hiss of the bus sounds louder now, and I scramble my brain frantically to find a way to stop him.

The bus finally comes to a loud, mechanical stop in front of the bench Nigel is sitting on.

He stands up like a trained soldier and walks towards the bus doors without any goodbyes or see you later's.

"I love you," I mutter with a voice crack in the middle of the three words. Nigel turns around in front of the bus doors and gives me the same robotic look.

"Please don't fucking lie to me," Nigel hisses before facing the bus doors again and confidently walking up the steps.

"Nigel, please! You're all I have..."

I watch him pay the bus driver, dropping his head immediately after. The windows are tinted but I can see his outline walking for a few moments before the bus starts moving and his outline blurs with all the other motions.

"Fuck," I mutter angrily under my breath as I stomp my foot against the ground, dropping my arms limp against my sides.

Nigel was gone.

"You okay?" Ivan asks me from a few feet away.

"What the—" I jump and turn around towards Ivan's voice, a little upset he's about to see me at a weak moment. I don't like anybody seeing me weak.

He's smoking another cigarette and I can smell the scent from where I'm standing.

"Did you stalk me or something? How long have you been here?" I gulp between sentences and drag my fingers through my straggling hair.

"Long enough to light this," Ivan holds his cigarette up again before sticking it back between his lips, "saying goodbye to your little boyfriend or something?"

My palms start to sweat as fast as my heartbeat which feels like it's about to jump out of my chest and run a marathon.

"Oh, uh," I pause for another second and push my hands into my hoodie, "did you hear what I said?"

"I don't think I did, what did you say?" Ivan asks me with a smirk curved onto his lips.

"Oh, it's nothing. I just told him to have fun," I say with a pathetic fake smile.

Ivan's chest shakes with a few bouts of laughter and I feel stupid for lying, but I know I would have felt even stupider for telling the truth. My eyes trail down to the cement for a second before my subconscious tells me to suck it up.

"Bull, you told him you loved him. No judgement, though. That's legal now," Ivan's head is turned so I can see his profile, and his words flow like he's speaking to the air in front of him and not me.

My stomach drops and I eagerly shake my head.
"No, no, I didn't mean it. I just wanted him to stay because he's my best friend."

Trying to put a bandaid on this wound isn't going to do anything. At least that's what I'm convinced now.

"Mm, best friend? Okay, whatever you say," he doubtfully tells me.

"Yeah. You don't even know me," I retaliate with a small boost of confidence.

Ivan keeps staring to the side and blows some smoke from his nose. "Sounds like my words, don't it?"

I roll my eyes and pull my hands from my hoodie pocket, raising them in resignation. I notice Ivan shift his weight and begin walking towards my spot next to the bench.

"No worries. I don't even know you," he mockingly speaks as his hand raises to rest against my neck.

I instinctively twist my head away and I notice his hand stays in place anyway. My eyes trail from his chin up to his hair, curiously bringing myself back to my previous spot. I let him press his hand against the side of my neck.

"Bet I can treat you better than that kid on the bus," he whispers, which causes the cigarette in his mouth to bounce.

"Bet," I challenge him, feeling the corners of my lips unexpectedly curl into a grin.

Ivan gingerly moves his hand from my neck, probably the gentlest I've ever seen him, burning down my observation seconds later as he gives my shoulder a punch while he chuckles.

He pulls the cigarette from his lips and holds it in front of my mouth, his head tilting back slightly to blow smoke up as his hooded eyes watch my movements until I part my lips.

He sticks the cigarette between them before beginning to walk away like nothing happened.

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