Eliott Price Should be Dead

seventeen - fly

My stomach flips with a jumble of anxiety and sadness with every step I take towards the apartment. I'm already halfway down the hallway and I'm creating horrible scenarios in my head about why Nigel left.

I just can't seem to come to terms with the fact that he suddenly decided to leave for his biological family. Not once have I ever heard Nigel express any sort of interest in his birth parents. It's frustrating and unsettling, but I keep reminding myself to take everything as it comes.

"Why did Nigel leave?" I blurt out the second my beat up shoes hit the carpet of our apartment.

I see the back of Kylie's head as she sits on the sofa, but my abrupt entrance doesn't startle her.

"Why do you care?" She fires back to me.

"Because Nigel is my best friend. Why wouldn't I care?" I respond while hitting the door closed with my heel.

"He literally left to find his birth parents. Apparently they're in Maine. He's gonna get a Greyhound bus to make it up there and somehow find them," Kylie explains as I watch the back of her head move while she speaks.

My lips part in surprise as my hands rest against my head. I've never heard of anything so stupid in my life.

"That's stupid." I speak my mind.

"Yeah, well, it's his life. He's an adult," Kylie reminds me. The sound of her fingernails hitting the screen of her iphone make me want to throw the thing out the window.

"How come he never expressed any interest in this before?" I question while kicking my shoes off.

"I'm not a psychic, Eliott," Kylie reminds me.

I start to laugh at her comment, feeling the reality of Nigel leaving beginning to set in at the exact same time. I'm really not sure if I'm crying or laughing, my stomach dropping like I'm on a rollercoaster.

"Fuck, I loved him," I mutter as I control my laughter and wipe away any tears with my thumb.

"You what?!" Kylie exclaims as she bounces around to face me. Her expression changes when she notices my eyes which are probably beet red from cry-laughing.

"Yeah. You ever see me get this emotional before?" I say again with another small laugh bubbling from my lips.

"No," Kylie says thoughtfully, "but why didn't you tell him before he left? Idiot!"

I suck in a breath, standing in the small foyer of our apartment completely defeated and buzzing with emotion.

"I did tell him, idiot!" I mock Kylie and wipe away the final tear with the pad of my thumb, "but I don't know if it was in the same way he said he loved me."

"And?" She questions, staring at me like I'm God.

"He just said," I pause for a second and use air quotes, "don't fucking lie to me, or something similar." I roll my eyes while thinking back to that moment.

Kylie rests her head against the top of the couch and delicately tucks her hands under her chin. She grins and shrugs, hair messy from sleep.

"I guess he'll come back when he's ready, right? There's always a special place for home. For us," Kylie says as her eyes shift around the room.

I nod and brush my fingers through my hair slowly. "Unless Maine becomes his new home."

Kylie shakes her head and moves one hand to press against her forehead. "You're giving me a headache. I'll call him soon to make sure he's okay."

I nod briefly before slipping my shoes on again.

"Where are you going now?" Kylie asks me with a twinge of sadness to her voice.

"Back outside. I need a walk or something," I mutter while I fight with my shoe to get my foot inside.

"Let me come with you," Kylie chimes while the sofa creaks, meaning she stood up.

"No, I really need to do this alone," I mutter a bit louder than before and grab my winter jacket to layer over my hoodie.

I'm out the door before she can say anything else.

I begin walking and start my little ritual — light a cigarette and think of what the heck I'm doing with my life and where I'm going.

I make it a few blocks down the street before stopping to sit down on a slightly rusty bench in front of the laundromat. I pull the hood to my winter jacket up, hoping nobody looks as I finish my cigarette.

I can't stop thinking about Nigel. He's the chill beneath my skin that will never go away. I mentally yell at myself for being so pathetic, as it's only been an hour since he left, but I never expected it to be this hard. I guess all those rumors about missing something once it's gone is true.

I tell myself that one day soon, he'll come back home to visit and tell Kylie and I everything about his trip and biological parents. Fuck James, though, he can hear about it after I do.

Plus, there's always the phone, right? Kylie will call him soon and I'll make sure to be there to talk to him, only after she has. I'm fairly positive he might hate my entire existence.

And, quite frankly, right now I hate my own entire existence too.

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shorter chapter, sorry everyone! comment, vote, and like if you're enjoying this story so far!