Last chance for honour

Chapter 50

A few hours had passed since Sansa had told Jamie about the loss of their child. They had since spoken longingly of their childhood homes. Jamie reminiscned how the only time he had felt truly free was when he was a boy. He told her of the time he had jumped off the cliffs at Casterly Rock and how his father had scolded him for it. He mocked his father, imitating his deep voice "Your a Lannister and Lannister's don't act like fools". Sansa smiled at Jamie's impersonation. 

Jamie had often heard his father say those words to him, always after Jamie had acted like a fool in his fathers eyes. "Well at least our father's had something in common, if I had a gold coin for every time my father told us we were 'Starks of Winterfell and Winter was Coming' I think I would be even richer than every Lannister put together." Jamie laughed at Sansa's words. He thought to himself how much he had missed being in her company, even talking with her let him forget about their troubles for a moment. 

A moment of silence fell upon the room, but neither one of them felt uncomfortable with it, being in each others presence seemed enough for them both. "Tell me about your mother... you have never mentioned her before" Sansa said softly. Jamie hesitated for a moment, it had been that long since he had spoken of her, he didn't know where to start. 

"The thing I remember most is her smile, whenever my father had frightened me I'd only have to look at her soft smile and it would make everything better, she was kind and strong." Sansa smiled slightly at the thought of her. "I often thought Cersei would be just like her, she inherited our mother's strength and her appearance, but nothing else... You remind me more of my mother than Cersei ever has". Sansa caught her breath slightly in the shock of his words, she smiled softly at the thought of his comment.

"My father loved her very much, My uncle once told me that the best part of him had died with her" Jamie pressed his lips together, he had never properly spoken of her until now, not even with Cersei, he had refused to speak of her. He had always followed his father's strategy of acting as though she had never existed, it had felt easier that way. Jamie scoffed slightly "Perhaps it's a blessing that she never lived to see me now, she would have been ashamed of what I've become". Sansa furrowed her brow "you can't say that-". Jamie interrupted her "not even you can justify the things I've done, I used to think I had a reason for everything bad I've done in my life, the love I had for Cersei. But once that's stripped away, what reasons do I have for what I've done?"

Jamie looked away from her, he felt the shame radiate on his face. He wondered how she could still stand the sight of him. Sansa rose from her perch on the wooden chair, kneeling in front of Jamie, she gripped his hands in hers. "No one can truly justify any of the things they've done. Whether they've done it to survive, to avenge, to love... It doesn't matter if what we've done is right or wrong, because it's done, it's in the past and nothing can ever change that. All that matters is now." Sansa's words echoed in Jamie's mind. 

"All I ever prayed for as a child was to escape Winterfell and marry someone that I loved, I used to beleive that was Joffrey, but now I see that we were meant to be together. Everything that's happened has brought us together. I thought leaving Kingslanding was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made, yet here we are together again. I promise you that I will stand by you no matter what, for no other reason than because I love you". Sansa took a deep breath before speaking again.   

"I am yours and you are mine, from the day we married, to the day we die, no one can ever change that, do you hear me?". 

Jamie nodded at her words, he had never heard her speak like this before. He had never  been able to fully believe that she truly loved him until now. It took him a moment to think about her words. 

"I am yours and you are mine" He repeated.

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