Nightfall ✓

Chapter 33

• chapter thirty-three •   

Liam sat on the hard metallic bench, his head in his hands. She had been upset, but at least she had let him kiss her. That was a good sign. He had had no idea how she would react, but whatever it was, they had ended the conversation on good terms. Was it enough? Or would she regret anything when she found out?

At any rate, Liam couldn't wait any further. He had already made up his mind, and the sooner he did this, the better it would be.

Once the first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. He cried quietly, trying not to let his body shake because he didn't want anyone to know. But no one was around to see him. It was lunchtime. And Ash and Zack were surely napping in their car. They were tired. And so was he.

They would've been living a normal, happy life. All four of them. But they weren't, and it was all his fault. Entirely his fault. He had taken them for hiking, he had fought with Zack and caused him to separate from them and get lost in the forest, he had not remembered to mark all trees with chalk — it all boiled down to him. It had started because of him. And so it was going to end with him. He couldn't let them suffer anymore, these three people he loved the most.

All the dreams he had...

Stop.

He stood up and went to the main office, asked for a pen and three pieces of paper and sat down to write notes. They took him a long time. Writing them was no easy task, in fact, it was the most difficult writing he'd ever done. Then he went to the washroom and stood in front of the mirror for half an hour, gripping the washbasin tightly, gathering all his courage.

Finally, he walked out of the hospital and sat in Zack's cheap second-hand car. He didn't want to wait for a taxi. He wasn't going to stop anywhere, because he was sure if he had too much time he would lose all nerve. Zack and Ash were cuddled up in the backseat, sleeping peacefully. He closed the door quietly so as not to wake them, and started driving through the noisy New York streets. He looked back at them every so often to ensure that they were still asleep. He didn't want them to wake up right now.

Horns blared. People overtook each other and hurled abuses. He hated all of this — the city din — usually, but today he didn't care. The sky looked dark, it looked like it was going to rain. Good. He loved the rain. Hazel loved it even more. What a pity they wouldn't be able to enjoy it together.

The light turned green. His car moved forward. He remembered Hazel's birthday, he remembered how they'd run around in the rain. Stop it, dude, he thought, you can't cry right now.

He reached their apartment building, and took a deep breath as he parked the car. His fingers trembling, he turned around to put the folded-up paper in Zack's lap and stepped out of the car. Unfortunately for him, the door slipped from his hands and it banged shut a little too loudly. Zack stirred.

Liam started jogging. This was stupid. Maybe taking a cab wasn't such a bad idea after all. He should've just left the paper there. Even if Zack had woken up, he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it. He heard the car door open after five seconds.

"Liam?" Zack called. He quickened his pace. "Liam! Stop moving, you piece of shit."

Liam turned around. "What do you want? I'll be back in a minute."

Zack snorted. "Don't try to fool me. I read it."

"Good for you." Liam walked to the lobby. The elevator doors were just opening. A woman was stepping out. He ran as fast as he could and went in. Zack was running after him. "Liam! Stop right now!" He sounded angry, anxious, scared all at the same time.

Liam pressed that button which would make the doors shut quickly, and they closed before Zack could reach him. He breathed a sigh of relief even as Zack cursed loudly. The elevator started its shaky ascent upwards.

He sank to the floor of the lift. A blood-curdling scream of frustration erupted from his lips. He was being torn apart.

This wasn't how he wanted to do it. Zack was obviously going to try and stop him. There would be a fight, no doubt. There would be some blood. But he couldn't blame Zack. He would've done the same thing had he been in Zack's place. 

The lift stopped on the first floor, but there was no one waiting to board the elevator. It happened again on the second floor. Liam groaned. Shit. So Zack was running up the stairs, and on the way he was pressing the button on every floor to slow him down.

Many stops later, the lift opened on the sixth and he stepped out angrily. Why the fuck didn't he take a cab? And he couldn't postpone the task either— he had to do this now, or Zack would never let him out of his sight. Someone was heard gasping for breath.

Zack was on the staircase, hands on knees, panting. When he saw Liam come out, he stood up straight. "What is wrong with you, Samuels?"

Liam didn't answer. He took out the key and opened the door to his apartment, entered, and then tried to shut it quickly, but Zack pushed it open with force, causing Liam to fall to the ground and this angered him even more. "Can't you leave me alone? Fuck off."

"I won't fuck off. You're not doing this, Liam."

"I am." He opened the door of the balcony. 

Zack grabbed him from behind and pinned him against the wall. Then he took hold of Liam's collar. "I said no."

"Don't you get it?" Liam shouted. "Hazel will die! I heard her talking to a mediator! This is the only way! We can't live peacefully till the ghost gets what she wants! I can't let this go on any longer!"

"We'll find another way—"

"No. We won't. You know that, Zack. Find another way, my ass! We haven't found a way yet, and we aren't going to ever. It's better to just give her what she wants and end this nonsense." He gave Zack a hard shove, and earned a punch to his jaw in return. He threw Zack to the ground, wrapping his hands around Zack's throat, but he didn't strangle him. "I will do whatever I want to. It's my choice."

"Your goddamn choice affects others," Zack gasped. He slapped Liam, and while he was still in shock, Zack managed to push Liam off himself. But Liam had had enough. He punched Zack's nose and blood came out, and then he kneed him in the stomach, and kicked him between the legs, knocking the breath out of him. Zack fell to his knees, gasping for air. He stretched out his hand in a last attempt to grab his best friend's leg, but Liam escaped, his jeans barely brushing against Zack's fingers. He walked to the rail of the balcony and climbed up carefully, holding the wall on the side for support. There was barely enough space to stand. He refused to look down, knowing if he did, he would chicken out. So he closed his eyes. It was terrifying to even be here. His heart was racing. He hated balconies. He had hoped they would find a flat on the first floor or something, but this was the only one available.

"Liam," Zack said.

Carefully, Liam twisted around just a little to look at Zack, whose cheeks were wet with tears. Pain was etched in his face. "Don't do this. Please." 

Liam swallowed. "I wish I had a choice, Zack." There was silence. Then he said: "I'm not gay, but I love you." His mouth twisted into a sad smile.

He turned around again, walked forward and stepped off the edge.

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