viviana | álvaro morata

ten - dear álvaro

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Dear Álvaro,

I love you. I love you, Álvaro and I always will no matter what happens.

Everything that had occurred between us, it doesn't change the fact that I love you, more than you'll ever understand. The love that I have for you is something that no words could explain. Te amo y siempre serás el amor de mi vida, Álvaro Morata. There are so many languages spoken around the entire world, so many ways to say "I love you" and it wouldn't be enough to show you how much I really do.

Fairytales don't exist, that's what everyone told me when I was younger. That fairytales didn't exist in real life, and only occurred in the movies or in the stories they would read me. I grew up believing that fairytales didn't happen to people in real life, that they could never happen to someone like me.

But that wasn't the exactly the truth. I happened to fall in love with you, and falling in love with you was truly like a fairytale. As a little girl, I dreamt of becoming a princess, marrying a prince and living in a beautiful castle. I was young, and just happened to believed in those things. Over time, you just stop believing in them.

But when I met you. It was as if I was in my own fairytale. Álvaro Morata, you were my prince, and you didn't need to give me a castle or buy me a tiara to make me feel like a princess. You had already made me feel like that, you made me feel like a queen and so much more. You were my prince, you were my fairytale, and you were supposed to be my happily ever after.

I was so stupid for keeping it in. For not telling you. For not ever being capable of telling you. I was pathetic. Thinking that time wouldn't catch up with us. I'm pathetic for having to write this instead of telling you in person- the way you deserved for me to tell you. Was it better this way? Maybe.

But one thing I can tell you is that: time doesn't last forever, time doesn't wait for anyone. Everything happens too fast to even stop and think. I wanted time to last an eternity, to last forever.

Time isn't something you can just slow down and make last forever. Time is such a strange concept, that our lives pretty much depends on it. That our lives revolve on the concept of time.

Time. It's too precious to be wasted.

I wanted the last months of my entire life to be spent as they would have been if I wouldn't be gone soon. Normal. That's how I wanted everything to be.

I didn't want you to worry and spend your time thinking about the fact I probably wouldn't live to see another day. That you would one day wake up, you would see the world so vividly again, and that I wouldn't. I wanted you to be happy for the rest of the time that was left. I didn't want you to fear of what would happen in the future, and you didn't deserve to fear the thought of me being gone in the next few days, hours even.

I know you deserved to know, but I thought it was better this way. To spend the last few days with you being the same person filled with joy that you are. And that you'll always be.

This decision was selfish, and you can felt the slightest anger towards me for it. But I'm sorry, and I apologize for anything that I may have done to hurt you, but hurting you was never my intention. And leave you want never my intention either.

Somethings in life aren't just meant to be, we may not like them but they happen for a reason and we have to learn to live with them.

Any chance I got to tell you I loved you- I told you that I loved you. I needed you to know that I loved you with every part of my body. I wanted to be by your side every second of the day because I knew that I would never be able to experience it again.

Constantly thinking about when my time would come and knowing that I would have to leave you, it really did hurt. But every time I got to see you come home, back to me, with the biggest smile on your face as you told me about your day, or some silly joke a teammate had made to make you laugh, or talked about the match you played- it truly made me forget about it all.

As cliche as it is, everything happens for a reason. Knowing my fate changed my perspective on every single thing. And this is why I'm telling you to move on. If I was or I am ever the reason why you can't move on, don't let me be that reason. Don't let the past get caught up with your future. Make no regrets, don't dwell on the past, move on with life and live it to the fullest.

You deserve all the happiness in this world. You deserve everything I can't give you. You deserve to be happy for the rest of your life.

Somethings aren't meant to be, somethings aren't meant to be forever, Álvaro. But what I know that will last forever, is my love for you. And I will love you, no matter where I am.

Te amo, Álvarito, con todo mi corazón.

- Vi

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the epilogue is yet to be posted.

so yes, she did pass away. and it's honestly something really hard to write about because it's just a lot. but writing this book has helped me a lot, to be able to deal with the death of someone important to me.

thank you to everyone who took their time to read this, i hope you enjoyed this story. ♡