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Chapter 10 - The Confidence Mask

I was certain I completely understood how Tori felt when she wrote that diary entry. The one I read when I found it in her room. Paranoid. Fearful. Anxious. Perplexed. I was feeling all of those things and the one obvious answer to everything was playing over and over in my mind matching the beat of my racing heart.

It was Zac. He was Tori's tormentor and he knew I was on to him so as a retaliation, he somehow hacked my phone. And if he was Victoria's tormentor and Victoria's tormentor killed her then that meant Zac was the murderer.

Zac was a murderer?

I couldn't stop myself from reliving all of the memories I had with him. I was re-analyzing them, going through them and trying to detect any possible signs that could have gave this away to me sooner. Zac slithered his way into my life only a few months before Tori's death. I had known him and admired him from afar. Appreciating his beauty and the way he was cool without being cool. Then, abruptly, he fell into my life at the right time, just like a life jacket. I was upset with where my life was headed, beginning to realize that being friends with Hannah was more than I barginnd for, and the depression was squeezing me like a cobra. He was a great distraction with his weird taste in music and awkward yet charming self. Never would I have guessed he was threatening.

That was the worst part. I let him in and now he knew me all too well. I wasn't safe. Zac knew where I lived and how to find me. The only question was what to do with this information? Who would believe me?

I recall the night he drove me back from the police station. He told me despite what everyone thought he knew I didn't kill Victoria. Of course, he knew. He was the one that killed her.

Sobs shook my body as it suddenly became hard to breathe.

His motivation was clear. He had a romantic relationship with Tori and maybe she wanted out of it or was going to let it slip. He killed her so she wouldn't talk.

My chest hurt and my bedroom was spinning.

Overwhelming.

That was what this was.

I sat on my bed and curled up in a ball in the corner. My back rested against the wall and I tried to focus on the room, the physical senses rather than the fear that was suffocating me.

Being a part of Hannah's group, I was always knee deep in some kind of stressful situation. And after July, things only got worse. Despite that, I was good at keeping my composure but leading up to the day I was going to jump of the cliff, I couldn't. The anxiety attacks were frequent and I could tell I was having one right now.

As I forced myself to steady my breathing, the events leading up to July captured my mind. It was the most stressful situation I experienced in my life and my mind seemed to revert back to it to scare me further. My mind liked to work against me. Maybe it was punishing me for everything I'd done.

Come on. You have to text me back someday ;)

I held down the power button of my phone and leaned into my locker. I squeezed my eyelids together and fought tears of frustration. The bell rang and I heard the dozens of footsteps entering the hallway. Taking a breath, I collected myself and tossed my phone into the locker.

Jacob wouldn't take no for an answer. He was persistent in trying to get my attention, wanting so desperately for me to go out with him but I was far from interested. He was gross, annoying and not my type. It was getting to the point in which he was harassing me. I no longer wanted to come to school and wanted to chuck my phone out a window.

I decided to take the girls advice to deal with him. I had to take action and show him he should back off. I hatched a plan that seemed genius at the time. I would pretend to finally accept his invitation and suggest a picnic in the forest on the outskirts of town where no one could help him. He'd come thinking his charm had finally won me over but he'd get something far from kisses.