blind - owen teague | ✔️

20. One More Try

Owen's bony hand ran through his browning hair, wavy and frizzy from the rain and humidity outside those hospital doors. His ocean eyes were encased in this emotional sadness he couldn't escape, guilt and pure shame for letting his wants get the best of him.

Staring down at [F/n]'s sleeping form, a deep sigh left his thin lips before he looked over his shoulder at the emptied bucket and the air freshener letting him know what had went down in this hospital room hours before.

All he could think of was he wasn't there for them.

More and more tubes were hooked to [F/n]'s body, he noticed. The more he hurt them, the more drugs had to be pumped in their angelic body. It was all his fault.

A taut and muscled arm held [F/n] to his solid but thin chest. His aqua hues stared down at their peaceful face, and he had to swallow back what he saw.

God, to him, the blind human looked so peaceful like that. Their eyes were wrapped, beneath their hair, but the way their lips were parted with their slightly mused hair across their forehead, their light breathing... [F/n] looked so peaceful like that.

So peaceful, so vulnerable, so worry-free.

It moved his aching heart to tears.

The way his heart fluttered and stuttered gently against his chest made him know what he felt was real. Sometimes he couldn't even find the words to say to them. Those days, he put the headphones in either of their ears and let the music say what he wished to.

His cold fingertip pressed to [F/n]'s cheek so lightly and gingerly, dragging along their skin and facial features, tracing as his heart seized gently with anxiety at the thought of them waking. He just couldn't help it. He was so nervous.

Owen felt he'd messed up so bad. His heart was sore from the burn of arguing. When his voice rose at them, it got sore immediately, making him feel as if he'd swallowed boiling water. His heart began to feel as if it had been stabbed. His stomach began to turn, nauseated.

His own insecurities had gotten suffocating. He'd tried to describe what he saw to [F/n], but he didn't want them to become disgusted with what his appearance was. He wanted to put that off as long as possible, in case they decided that they didn't want him anymore.

He regretted ever letting his insecurities close him up.

"You know, like this... I can tell you things I can't say during the day," His voice was so soft and quiet, so gentle and so small. He paused and swallowed quietly.

"And there's other things I can't even tell you here. It's like... My chest is this weight of emotion, a tangle of fear, love, admiration, adoration, insecurity and want, all in one when I see you. There's things that I don't even know how to put into words there, but I'm going to try." Owen whispered in [F/n]'s ear.

"The way we talk and connected was easy. It's not easy to open up to you when you can't see me and can't judge if you want to love me like I love you. That's the only problem. I'm so... I'm so scared.

"Then there's you, so brave and so hurt from what I don't even realize I do to you. I'm so sorry. I can't be sorry enough. You say you're a burden and... You aren't. You can't be. You're so... So sweet and so gentle and courageous and I-" His whisper cracked up as he pulled his hand away, watery eyes staring at the peaceful face curled into their hospital pillow.

That hand ran in his hair. "I admire that, God, I do," His heart squeezed and he blinked, sending a solitary tear down his cheek. "I'd be terrified but you're so open for the world to see like you've never been loved, even though I hurt you so much.

"You say you don't deserve me and that's not true. I don't deserve you." His words stopped in his throat and he counted a slow breath in and out. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...

Calming down, he began again. "I'm so tired of hurting you and I'm so scared of losing you. I just... I can't find the words to give you the beautiful poetry you deserve. I guess this is what they made songs for... I'll try to find a few lyrics from those stupid 80's rock bands I like, and for some reason, you seem to like them when I show them to you." A quiet laugh fell from his lips.

He shook his white headphones from his phone and looked through his library, trying to find one, and began to whisper next to the shell of [F/n]'s ear again.

"I'll Be There For You, Bon Jovi." He paused to remember the small verse.

"They say true love is suicide... You say you've cried a thousand rivers... And now you're swimming for the shore... You left me drowning in my tears... And you won't save me anymore... Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance." Owen nodded softly in thought as he sighed.

"I think this means I've hurt you and I wasn't there, and now that I'm hurt, you won't help me, but I'm praying to god you'll forgive me. I really am, my angel." His words were so firm, straight from the heart. Looking back to the phone, he scrolled again, before stopping.

"One More Try, by George Michael. Let's see, I think this says what I need to." His chuckle was so soft as he kept that one arm wrapped tightly around [F/n]'s waist as if she'd disappear, holding her to his chest.

"I don't want to learn to hold you, touch you, think that you're mine... Because there ain't no joy for an uptown boy who just isn't willing to try... I'm so cold inside... Maybe just one more try." Owen's voice fell quieter the more he spoke, and realized these are the words he wanted [F/n] to understand.

"This. This is what I want you to understand." He buried his face in their hair and placed a small kiss on [F/n]'s hair, holding the body tighter.

"I'm scared. I don't want to hold you like this if you don't love me, and I think you understand that. We've both been hurt by someone in the past and that is what scares us. Having that done again... But... I think I'm willing to give it one more try." Owen whispered shakily.

"I'm scared you don't love me and only love the company I provide. I don't think you're like that. I'm willing to try... What do you say? One more try?"

The sleeping body didn't reply.